Labour flummoxed over what to do about this pig thing

LABOUR spin doctors are puzzled as to how they can possibly use the pig sex thing to make David Cameron look bad.

‘A hooded stranger holding a pig’s head told me he could make me prime minister’

“My name is not important. Let’s just say that I want to help you. Do you have dreams David?”

This is all so undignified, says dead pig oral sex guy

RESPONDING to allegations about oral sex with a dead pig would be 'undignified', according to a man who once had oral sex with a dead pig.

Britons wearily accept that their prime minister put his cock in a pig's mouth

THE nation is not remotely surprised to hear that its leader shoved his penis into the mouth of a dead pig.

Scotland celebrates anniversary of nothing happening

SCOTLAND is today celebrating one year since absolutely nothing happened and everything stayed exactly the same.

Corbyn-Abbott affair 'was magnificently 70s'

THE affair between Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott was the most 70s thing that happened in the 70s, it has been claimed.

Corbyn's silent walk to become 18-hour arthouse movie

JEREMY Corbyn's two-minute silent walk, as shown on Sky News, is to be expanded into an 18-hour black-and-white experimental film.

Man who got elected ‘definitely unelectable’

A MAN who defied expectations to get elected definitely could not win an election, it has been confirmed.