Clegg orders MPs to stop reacting to stimuli

NICK Clegg has instructed Liberal Democrat MPs to no longer give any indication of noticing anything.

Gove to teach six-year-olds about News International

EDUCATION Secretary Michael Gove's new National Curriculum is devoted to the business practices of News International.

Leaving child in pub 'right for Britain' says Cameron

DAVID Cameron has insisted that leaving his nine year-old daughter in a pub is the sort of tough decision that will rescue Britain from recession.

Leveson protestor had sacred dagger

THE man who confronted Tony Blair at the Leveson Inquiry yesterday was carrying the only weapon on earth that can kill the former PM, it has emerged.

Warhammer more than just a hobby, says Miliband

FANTASY battle game Warhammer is a serious military simulation, according to Labour leader Ed Miliband.

Queen's Speech delivered with heavy sarcasm

HER Majesty Queen Elizabeth II delivered her speech to Parliament while rolling her eyes and sighing theatrically.

Clegg and Cameron had fingers crossed

THE last two years of government don’t count because the coalition didn’t ‘Simon says’, according to David Cameron.

Cameron punches a tramp

DAVID Cameron rounded off his spirited performance in the Commons yesterday by smacking a vagrant in the throat.