Politics

Tories get 100% of funding from people who don't like socialism

THE Tories get all of their money from people who are not hellish keen on left-wing politics, it emerged today.

Osborne to reconsider being torn to shreds

CHANCELLOR George Osborne will rethink an April fuel price rise after acknowledging its effects on his ability to live.

Economy like my scrotum, says Osborne

THE economy contracts when cold, like a scrotum, chancellor George Osborne said last night.

Coulson 'knew he was going to resign' claims Guardian

FORMER Number 10 press chief Andy Coulson must have known about his own resignation, the Guardian claimed today.

Ed Balls to be on television every day

A POLICE protection officer has been suspended after destroying Britain's relationship with not having to look at Ed Balls.

Clegg told to stop thinking

DEPUTY prime minister Nick Clegg was last night told to stop thinking about stuff.

MPs using jail to avoid electorate

MANY more MPs are expected to admit fraud in a bid to get away from whining, busy-body constituents.

Osborne to stop bank bonuses with angry poem

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to put an end to excessive bank bonuses with an angry poem about shame.