Earth distances itself from Green Party

THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.

House of Lords to trial red light chamber

THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.

UKIP ‘may be a bit racist’

BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.

Britain disappointed in Rifkind, delighted about Straw

BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.

Barry Chuckle gains three-point poll lead

BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election. 

Cameron to whip the obese through changing room with a towel

DAVID Cameron is to tackle obesity by chasing every overweight person in Britain through a shower room whilst flicking their buttocks with a damp towel.

American Boris Johnson and English Boris Johnson to separate

BORIS Johnson is to have his US personality Big Tex Johnson removed and sent to the States to live an independent life.

Labour sends out Vengabus to win youth vote

LABOUR has deployed the famous Vengabus to capture the crucial youth vote in marginal constituencies.