THE Conservatives will spend the next three days trying desperately to portray themselves as ordinary humans.
THERE should be more good things and less bad things, Ed Miliband will announce today.
ED Balls will today attempt to convince Britain that we have him confused with that smug little prick who ruined everything.
GEORGE Osborne may as well admit he had a night of coke-fuelled hooker sex even if he didn't, it has emerged.
CHANGES to constituency boundaries will lead to MPs fighting each other bare chested in a muddy hole.
LOUISE Mensch has become the number one cause of odd, conflicted stirrings among Guardian readers, according to a new poll.
DAILY Telegraph columnist Boris Johnson does not like being mayor of London anymore, it has been confirmed.
ED Miliband has begun his mental collapse more than three months ahead of schedule.