Politics
You can help by keeping your mouth shut, Trump told
BRITAIN has responded to Donald Trump’s offer of help by suggesting he stops saying words with his mouth.
Awful thing caused by people who did it
THE people to blame for the weekend's awful events are the people who did it, it has been confirmed.
Total clusterf**k is Britain’s best hope
A HUNG parliament in which no politician can achieve any of their policy goals is what Britain is really keeping its fingers crossed for right now.
Magic Money Tree false but Enchanted Brexit Fountain real
THERE is no such thing as a Magic Money Tree, believers in the Enchanted Brexit Fountain of Prosperity have told Jeremy Corbyn.
Corbyn probably related to Guy Fawkes or something
JEREMY Corbyn is probably a distant relative of Guy Fawkes, it has been claimed.
Britons spent entire TV debate waiting for losers to be eliminated
VIEWERS of last night’s election debate cannot understand why the losers’ lights were left on throughout the whole thing.
Election's off, says May
THERESA May has cancelled next week's general election after deciding it was not necessary after all.
Corbyn is hopeless, says woman who can't remember her PIN number
A WOMAN who cannot remember a four-digit number is appalled that Jeremy Corbyn couldn’t immediately recall the cost of a complicated childcare plan.
- May rebooted live on air
- May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election
- Plan to confiscate gran's house and steal your inheritance strangely unpopular
- Man convinced politics is bullshit despite knowing sod all about it
- Corbyn victory impossible because elections 100 per cent predictable these days
