Scotland to be offered independence or sugary snack

SCOTLAND'S referendum will offer the country a choice between independence or some delicious confectionery.

Privilege requires poor people too, say experts

PRIVILEGE exists because there are people who are not privileged, it was confirmed last night.

Hunt perfects ‘shit pizza’ technique

HEALTH secretary Jeremy Hunt has developed a new technique for burying catastrophic news with disastrous opinions.

Cameron to claim he was molested by Jimmy Savile

DAVID Cameron will attempt to appease Tory rebels by claiming Jimmy Savile touched him up when he was 14.

Crazed David Miliband picking off conference delegates

ED Miliband's demented, disfigured brother is murdering delegates at the Labour Party conference.

Government 'wasted thousands on swearing consultants'

MINISTERS hired costly experts to develop their swearing skills, it has emerged.

Labourers descend on Manchester

MINERS, navvies, totters and wheeltappers have hit Manchester in their cloth-capped droves.

I'm such a little shit, reveals Jack Straw

FORMER foreign secretary Jack Straw has revealed the precise extent to which he is a self-regarding, cowardly little turd.