Politics

Mitt Romney completes tour of Europe by urinating on Lenin's tomb

REPUBLICAN presidential candidate Mitt Romney has concluded a visit to Russia by relieving himself on the casket containing the enbalmed body of Lenin.

Aidan Burley convinced career is back on track

MP AIDAN Burley last night reassured friends that he is still on schedule to be prime minister by 2017.

Twilight crisis triggers emergency UN meeting

MEMBERS of the United Nations met last night to discuss the crisis threatening to engulf the Twilight saga.

Gordon Brown 'anally probed by ETs'

GORDON Brown was painfully probed by aliens at the behest of Tony Blair, government files have revealed.

Public confused by concept of Tory rebels

POLITICAL commentators are being repeatedly asked to explain exactly what a Tory rebel is and if they look anything like James Dean.

Balls is a vampire, says Osborne

GEORGE Osborne has launched a fresh attack on Ed Balls, saying he is 'pretty sure' the shadow chancellor is a vampire.

Cameron launches campaign of racism against Greeks

THE coalition government has launched a £10m campaign encouraging everyone to hate the Greeks.

Cameron heckler offered Newsnight job

THE BBC has asked the Olympic volunteer who heckled David Cameron during a pre-games speech to contact them about potential work.