Lansley to be paraded around Britain

ANDREW Lansley is to be toured across the nation as its officially-appointed hate sponge.

Miliband 'lacks video game skills to lead UK'

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is stuck on Level 2-3 of Angry Birds, with a similarly poor performance at Fruit Ninja.

Britain has a motorway speed limit, claims minister

TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.

Clegg's mum writes angry letter to Cameron's mum

NICK Clegg's mother has written to David Cameron's mother demanding an end to the cruel taunting of her son.

Tories to have Euro summit explained to them slowly

FEVERED Tories are to have the purpose of the crucial Euro summit explained to them as slowly as it takes.

Plan to pay off deficit with bits of old soap 'not working'

THE government's plan to wipe out Britain's deficit using little bits of discarded soap is not going well, David Cameron has revealed.

May 'thought illegal immigrants had tentacles'

THERESA May relaxed passport checks as she assumed that foreign criminals looked like enormous moustachioed sea creatures, it has emerged.

G20 leaders revealed as covert anti-capitalism activists

THE leaders of the G20 nations are undercover anarchists who have deliberately destroyed the West's capitalist economy, it has emerged.