Miliband touching cloth

FALLING unemployment and signs of economic recovery have left Ed Miliband dangerously close to self-befoulment.

Bilderberg Group meets to decide next season's hemlines

THE all-powerful Bilderberg Group has met to decide whether the puffball skirt will make a comeback in autumn.

Bring back Judy Blume, says Michael Gove

PUPILS should be encouraged to read Judy Blume's classic teen novels about tender sexual awakenings, according to Michael Gove.

Duncan Smith denies affair with jackal

IAIN Duncan Smith has denied trying to impregnate a young jackal.

It was me that called them swivel-eyed loons, says Cameron

DAVID Cameron has admitted that he is the senior Tory who called activists 'swivel-eyed loons'.