Politics

Miliband Pissed The Bed When He Was 15, Says Other Miliband

LABOUR leadership challenger Ed Miliband pissed the bed when he was 15, David Miliband said yesterday.

Morecambe And Wise To Make Everything More Expensive

BRITAIN'S favourite entertainers are to make everything you buy much more expensive before deciding whether to let you keep your house.

The Torch Has Been Passed To A New Generation Of Public School Nancy Boys

BRITAIN'S long, national nightmare was over last night as the nation was once again placed in the safe, reliable hands of some vaguely effeminate public school boys.

Election Finally Produces A Result

AFTER five hectic days the general election produced a result last night as the sociopath who has been dicking about with your life for the last 13 years finally got the fucking message.

Lib Dems Force Tories To Have Gay Friends And A Composting Toilet

CONSERVATIVE MPs will be forced to have at least one gay friend each and install a filthy stone age toilet in their homes under any coalition deal with the Liberal Democrats.

Clegg Pondering Ghastly Act Of Necrophilia

LIBERAL Democrat leader Nick Clegg is today wondering whether he should have sex with something that is obviously dead.

Britain To Make Horrifyingly Ill-Informed Choice

BRITAIN will today once again cast its vote guided by a series of worthless opinions with no basis in fact.

Labour Calls For Tactical Vote-Rigging

THE Labour Party has urged its vote riggers in key marginal seats to make it look as if quite a lot of fictional people have voted Liberal Democrat.