Farage cackling maniacally in front of bonfire

NIGEL Farage has been laughing maniacally in front of an enormous fire for the last 18 hours.

Boris Johnson looks like ‘future prime minister of broken, war-torn remains of Britain’

BORIS Johnson looks like the prime minister Britain will have when it is a shattered wasteland of vagrants fleeing war, commentators believe.

Man secretly glad he’s missed EU vote registration deadline

A MAN who missed the deadline to register for the EU referendum last night is secretly relieved that it is no longer his problem.

Paranoid terrorist-loving dickhead lunatic imagines media is against him

DANGEROUSLY unhinged Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has paranoid fantasies that the media is against him, a documentary about the knobhead will show.

Nation ready to do whatever beer mat says

BRITONS will do whatever a Wetherspoon beer mat tells them to do, it has emerged.

Boris Johnson proves exercise is bullshit, say experts

BORIS Johnson has baffled scientists by cycling every day but never looking any different.

Cameron faces harsh performance review after missing migrant targets

THE prime minister has admitted he is not looking forward to his next performance review after missing his migrant target by a quarter of a million.

Man who has never left Huddersfield thinks Britain should leave the EU

A MAN who has never left his home town of Huddersfield is certain that Britain should leave the EU, it has emerged.