Gove to spend days using internet in library

MICHAEL Gove is to spend his days in his local library, using the internet in a furtive manner.

Celebrities avoided giving cash to Tories

MILLIONAIRES who tried to avoid donating to the Conservative party are to be hit with punitive tax bills.

Cameron outside EU headquarters with protest signs

THE prime minister is marching around outside the European Parliament with hand-painted signs.

Lib Dem manifesto to be handwritten and left next to body

The Liberal Democrat party is writing a manifesto to be found on a coffee table beside its dangling corpse.

Blair unhinged, say lots of people who agreed with him at the time

TONY Blair is off his nut, according to people who thought the invasion of Iraq was a brilliant idea.

Be less British, says Cameron

THE prime minister has called on the people of Britain to be less reserved.

Theresa May’s Vision of Britain

THERE has, of late, been talk that I may soon take ownership of the Conservative Party.

Daily Mail running UK

THE Daily Mail’s successful campaign to charge for plastic bags has confirmed that the tabloid newspaper is effectively running the country.