Politics

MPs using jail to avoid electorate

MANY more MPs are expected to admit fraud in a bid to get away from whining, busy-body constituents.

Osborne to stop bank bonuses with angry poem

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to put an end to excessive bank bonuses with an angry poem about shame.

Vince Cable fans looking like a right bunch of twats

THE millions of people who said Vince Cable was exactly the sort of politician this country needs were last night looking like a bunch of grade-A twats.

Gove reinstates school sports if he can be picked first

WEEDY education secretary Michael Gove has promised to reinstate school sports funding as long as he can be picked first by the tall, healthy boy who looks like Robert Pattinson.

Ed Miliband to become a lot more avant-garde

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to restore his party to power with meat suits, eye liner and ending every sentence with the expression 'va-va'.

Councils to sack all the wrong people

CASH-strapped local councils have pledged to identify the workers who are most useful and then sack them.

Heartless, Insensitive Old Tory Absolutely Spot On

DAVID Cameron's enterprise czar sparked outrage last night after being absolutely right.

Duncan Smith Vows To Make Daytime TV Less Compelling

UNMISSABLE daytime shows like Bargain Hunt will be replaced by footage of rotating cheese in the government's latest bid to make work pay.