UKIP membership drive to include free golliwog

THE UK Independence Party has launched a membership drive offering a traditional British golliwog to anyone who joins by the end of May.

British vaginas are the best in the world, says Farage

NIGEL Farage has admitted conducting research into foreign female genitalia.

Miliband not even good at masturbating

ED Miliband cannot even masturbate like a proper grown-up, it has been confirmed.

MPs to be paid in food stamps

MEMBERS of Parliament will receive their salaries in food vouchers to prevent them wasting money on alcohol and duck houses.

Cameron just happens to release names of people damaging Russian interests

DAVID Cameron has casually mentioned the names of some people who are 'really standing in Russia's way'.

Ed Miliband to join Scooby Doo Gang

ED Miliband is to quit the Labour leadership and join a gang of amateur detectives led by a ravenous Great Dane.

Gove kidnapped by Marxist militants

MICHAEL Gove has been abducted by the militant Marxist group Enemies of Promise.