Blair discovers centre ground is now a smouldering hole

FORMER prime minister Tony Blair has discovered the centre ground on which he was planning to build his new institute is now a large crater.

Tories take huge lead in poll that's definitely not wrong like all the other polls were

PEOPLE are continuing to act like polls actually mean something, it has emerged.

Nuttall excited to be soon-forgotten footnote in the history of British politics

NEW UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has pledged to be a forgettable minor player in the overall history of British politics.

Parents urged to stop telling kids to believe in Corbyn

TELLING children Jeremy Corbyn is real can cause serious trust issues when they eventually find out he doesn't exist, it has been claimed.

Hammond accidentally reveals red briefcase contains his erotic short stories

PHILIP Hammond's red briefcase has fallen open to reveal the manuscript of an erotic short story book he has been writing.

Scotland and Wales join judges on ‘enemies of the people’ list

THE populations of Scotland and Wales have joined the UK legal system as enemies of the people for interfering in Brexit.

Everyone to blame for twats like Trump and Farage 'except the people who vote for them'

PEOPLE who disagree with Donald Trump and Nigel Farage are responsible for their success rather than the gullible idiots who vote for them, the media have decided.

Man who ‘doesn’t care’ about election acting like some sort of Buddha

A MAN is irritating his colleagues by being self-consciously indifferent to the presidential election.