DEPUTY prime minister Nick Clegg was last night told to stop thinking about stuff.
MANY more MPs are expected to admit fraud in a bid to get away from whining, busy-body constituents.
CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to put an end to excessive bank bonuses with an angry poem about shame.
THE millions of people who said Vince Cable was exactly the sort of
politician this country needs were last night looking like a bunch of
WEEDY education secretary Michael Gove has promised to reinstate school sports funding as long as he can be picked first by the tall, healthy boy who
looks like Robert Pattinson.
LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to restore his party to power with meat suits, eye liner and ending every sentence with the expression 'va-va'.
CASH-strapped local councils have pledged to identify the workers who are most useful and then sack them.
DAVID Cameron's enterprise czar sparked outrage last night after being absolutely right.