Britain prefers anarchists to Miliband

BURNING Fortnum and Mason to the ground is a more credible alternative to the budget cuts than Ed Miliband, a survey has found.

Osborne hands average family £45 to give to British Gas

GEORGE Osborne will today let the average family look at £45 of their own money as it travels from the Treasury to British Gas.

Britain shudders at thought of Hague's mojo

WILLIAM Hague was under fresh attack last night after raising the terrible spectre of his mojo.

Cameron and Clegg clash over how to elect greedy, incompetent freaks

David Cameron and Nick Clegg will today set out their opposing views on the mechanism by which the House of Commons is filled with thieves, cretins and weirdos.

Tories get 100% of funding from people who don't like socialism

THE Tories get all of their money from people who are not hellish keen on left-wing politics, it emerged today.

Osborne to reconsider being torn to shreds

CHANCELLOR George Osborne will rethink an April fuel price rise after acknowledging its effects on his ability to live.

Economy like my scrotum, says Osborne

THE economy contracts when cold, like a scrotum, chancellor George Osborne said last night.

Coulson 'knew he was going to resign' claims Guardian

FORMER Number 10 press chief Andy Coulson must have known about his own resignation, the Guardian claimed today.