Politics

Brown Asks For Five More Years Of Ed Balls

GORDON Brown kicked-off the general election campaign today by seriously expecting Britain to take another five years of Ed Balls and his ghastly, unbearable face.

Good God, This Country Is Full Of Immigrants, Says Brown

GORDON Brown last night said he was amazed to discover that Britain had quite a lot of immigrants.

If The Answer Is Vince Cable Then I'm Moving To France, Says Everyone

IF the answer to Britain's economic problems is Vince Cable then what are the schools like in the Dordogne, it was claimed last night.

Tory Tax Cut Funded By Low Income Child Auction

THE Conservatives have pledged to reverse Labour's national insurance hike by selling no more than 1.5m of Britain's least important children.

Cameron Foetus Will Wreck Recovery, Says Brown

THE tiny foetus growing inside the wife of Tory leader David Cameron will slash front line services and wreck Britain's fragile economic recovery, the prime minister claimed last night.

MPs Claim Expenses For Getting Caught At Being Whores

FOUR Labour MPs have claimed expenses for getting caught offering to peddle their influence to the highest bidder like common whores.

Call Us 'Deplorable', Union Orders Brown

BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.

Lib Dems Pledge 20% Increase In Semen-Filled Tube Socks

NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.