ED Miliband has been knocked unconscious by a three-tonne Russian spacecraft which fell out of orbit.
ED Balls, George Galloway, UKIP and Vince Cable have left Britain drained after an orgy of schadenfreude.
MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.
PARTY leaders have issued a joint statement calling postal voters a bunch of lazy bastards.
ON FRIDAY morning the SNP will become the third largest party in the UK. Oh yes.
NIGEL Farage and IKEA have formed a party called UKEA in a last-minute bid to create a majority government.
ED Miliband is a bad, nasty thing so you no vote for him.
DAVID Cameron has been spotted leaving the home of popular ribald comic Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown in the early hours of the morning.