EU agrees rescue package for Nick Clegg's feelings

THE European Union last night agreed a multi-billion pound bailout of Nick Clegg's storm-tossed emotions.

Letwin on to something

TORY bastard Oliver Letwin may have struck gold with his desire to confine the working class to their hellholes, it has been claimed.

Miliband grasping at straws

ED Miliband thinks getting married should do the trick, it has been confirmed.

Britain prefers anarchists to Miliband

BURNING Fortnum and Mason to the ground is a more credible alternative to the budget cuts than Ed Miliband, a survey has found.

Osborne hands average family £45 to give to British Gas

GEORGE Osborne will today let the average family look at £45 of their own money as it travels from the Treasury to British Gas.

Britain shudders at thought of Hague's mojo

WILLIAM Hague was under fresh attack last night after raising the terrible spectre of his mojo.

Cameron and Clegg clash over how to elect greedy, incompetent freaks

David Cameron and Nick Clegg will today set out their opposing views on the mechanism by which the House of Commons is filled with thieves, cretins and weirdos.

Tories get 100% of funding from people who don't like socialism

THE Tories get all of their money from people who are not hellish keen on left-wing politics, it emerged today.