KEN Livingstone has pledged to boost childcare for Londoners with the introduction of magic nannies.
ED Miliband's ability to be prime minster has been eaten by an alsatian.
DAVID Cameron has finally grasped the basic concept of industrial action after a gruelling 14-hour tutorial.
TUCK-LOVING Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has been severely reprimanded after unveiling yet another grub-based 'cohesion strategy'.
ANDREW Lansley is to be toured across the nation as its officially-appointed hate sponge.
LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is stuck on Level 2-3 of Angry Birds, with a similarly poor performance at Fruit Ninja.
TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.
NICK Clegg's mother has written to David Cameron's mother demanding an end to the cruel taunting of her son.