I Like To Watch Ladies Undressing On The Beach, Says Hague

FOREIGN secretary William Hague has revealed how he likes to stare at women as they strip down to their bikinis.

Man Who Thinks He's Spiderman Attacked By Man Who Thinks He's Jesus

BRITAIN'S most lovable feud was relaunched today as the one who thinks he is Jesus launched a scathing attack on the one who thinks he is Spiderman.

I've Been Taking Advice From Prince Philip, Cameron Finally Admits

PRIME minister David Cameron has been receiving advice from Prince Philip on how to talk about foreigners, it was confirmed last night.

David Davis Keeping Sexy Photo Of Nick Clegg In His Underpants

FORMER Tory leadership contender David Davis has a photo of Nick Clegg's head on Peter Andre's body, which he keeps stuffed down the front of his underpants, it emerged last night.

Griffin Is First Nazi Banned From Palace Since Edward Viii

NICK Griffin last night became the first Nazi to be told he was not welcome at Buckingham Palace since King Edward VIII in 1936.

World War II 'Illegal', Says Cameron

DAVID Cameron was facing the wrath of veterans' groups last night after claiming the Second World War was illegal.

Cameron To Launch 'Wide Society'

PRIME minister David Cameron will today set out his vision of a 'wide society' where everyone has plenty of room to move from side to side.

Cameron Beginning To Realise Exactly Who He's In Charge Of

PRIME minister David Cameron was on the brink of resignation last night after finally realising what British people are actually like.