Shame to waste Corbyn on a snap election, says May

THERESA May does not want a snap general election because it would be a waste of Jeremy Corbyn, she has confirmed.

This is tyranny not democracy, says party with single MP

UKIP has asserted that democracy can only be upheld if everyone does what they and their single MP demands.

The people voted for a military coup, says Theresa May

THE UK has already voted for the overthrow by force of Parliament, the House of Lords and the judiciary, the prime minister has asserted.

Heseltine strangled dog as part of Thatcher cabinet initiation ceremony

LORD Heseltine has admitted strangling his mother’s dog for his initiation into Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet.

Gove left wife in hotel to go out partying with 11-year-old son

MICHAEL Gove left his fully-grown wife alone in a hotel room while he went out partying with their 11-year-old son, it has been confirmed.

Thanks for making us experts on tedious financial shit, UK tells Brexiters

BRITONS have thanked Leave voters for forcing them to learn about piss-boring things like exchange rates and EU law.

Bank of England governor to be replaced with bucket full of stupid suggestions

BANK of England governor Mark Carney is to be replaced with a bucket filled with random suggestions from Theresa May and her idiot friends.

Tony Blair helpfully describes Remain voters as ‘insurgents’

TONY Blair has helped out British politics by calling Remain voters ‘insurgents’ who must ‘mobilise’.