Thatcher Tries To Close Her Own Ward

BARONESS Thatcher was under sedation last night after trying to close the ward where she is being treated.

Brown Makes Arse Of New Thing

GORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.

Brown Survives As Labour Rebels Blah, Blah, Blah, Who Gives A Shit?

DEPUTY prime minister Gordon Brown survived a backbench revolt last night after pledging to change his style of leadership and blah, blah, blah, you're not still reading this are you?

This Is How The Nazis Started, Says Everyone

THE Nazis started out with just a couple of MPs and six percent of the vote you know, everyone said last night.

Brown Stamps Authority With Stupid, Pointless Reshuffle

GORDON brown reasserted his authority today with what his supporters insisted was a stupid, pointless reshuffle that won't make the slightest difference to anything.

Oh For Christ's Sake Just Do It, Britain Tells Labour

LABOUR was today told to just get on with it so we can all have a peaceful weekend without having to watch Nick Robinson jumping up and down like a child that's bursting for a piss.

Rats Desert Shit Government

A PROCESSION of Labour ministers and backbench MPs announced their resignations yesterday, like rats deserting an utterly shit government.

Cameron Pledges Power To The Maniacs

TORY leader David Cameron last night pledged to transform British democracy by devolving power to the lowest possible level of maniac.