Politics
Crewe Goes All Fancy
CREWE was prancing around quite the thing last night after getting itself a fancy new millionaire to represent it in parliament.
Do You Need Us To Call You A Cab? Britain Asks Brown
BRITAIN last night told the prime minister it was getting really quite late while making a big fuss of cleaning up the living room.
Everyone To Become A Lord As Taxpayers Lend Labour £2.7 Billion
EVERYONE in Britain is to be made a member of the House of Lords after lending the Labour Party £2.7 billion.
Labour To Focus On Selling Books
LABOUR is to shift its focus from governing the country to selling books, the prime minister will announce today.
Wendy Alexander Goes To Toilet By Herself
THE Scottish Labour leader Wendy Alexander was celebrating last night after going to the toilet all by herself.
I Hate Every Last One Of You, Admits Brown
PRIME minster Gordon Brown last night admitted he loathes absolutely everyone in Britain.
Voters To Choose Weirdos And Criminals
VOTERS are heading to the polls today in the biennial ritual of choosing exactly which oddballs and thieves will run their local council.
Brown Useless At Connect Four, Says Blair
GORDON Brown is one of the worst players of Connect Four ever to hold the office of prime minister, friends of Tony Blair said last night.