Brown Threatens To Fly Plane Into Office Of National Statistics

GORDON Brown was circling central London today threatening to crash his light aircraft into the Office of National Statistics.

Brown Waits To See If Britain Is That Stupid

GORDON Brown was today waiting for opinion poll results that will reveal whether or not Britain really is that stupid.

Dimwitted Mediocrities 'Not Above The Law'

DIMWITS and mediocrities too stupid to get a proper job are not above the law, according to a legal expert.

Half Of MPs Lie Their Way Out Of Repaying Expenses

HALF of all MPs will be forced to repay expenses while the other half have somehow managed to lie their way out of it, according to a report published today.

Deficit Reduction Was Based On Sales Of 'Between The Wars', Admits Darling

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has been forced to scrap his deficit reduction plan, admitting it was based entirely on sales of Billy Bragg's Between the Wars EP.

At Least She's Not Gay, Says Robinson

NORTHERN Ireland's first minister last night thanked God that his corrupt, adulterous wife was not a lesbian whore.

Labour Big Guns Claim Gordon Brown Is Still Prime Minister

LABOUR was dealt a blow today as two senior party figures claimed Gordon Brown was still prime minister.


Kill The Poor, Says Cameron

THE Conservatives have pledged to bring in a new law guaranteeing the right to kill poor people, foreigners and socialists.