How The Budget Will Affect Your Pointless, Money-Obsessed Life

The Daily Mash has crunched the numbers on yesterday's Budget to work out how it will affect your ability to buy all that stupid shit your television keeps telling you that you need.

Osborne To Sack Coventry

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to throw everyone in Coventry out of work after a brilliant suggestion from Harriet Harman.

Spend All The Money On Me, Everyone Tells Osborne

PUBLIC spending should be cut on everything except all the stuff I use, everyone in Britain said today.

Nation's Purse Strings Controlled By A Ginger

A FRESHLY terrified Britain was gaping into the abyss today as David Cameron handed control of the nation's purse strings to a ginger.

Constitutional Status Of 'Question Time' Under Threat

THE government is undermining Question Time's role at the heart of the British constitution, it was claimed last night.

Nick Griffin To Tour With Aswad

NICK Griffin is to step down as leader of the British National Party and form a funk/reggae fusion project with Aswad.

Skeletor Joins Labour Leadership Race

CARTOON despot Skeletor has launched his bid for the Labour leadership.

Miliband Pissed The Bed When He Was 15, Says Other Miliband

LABOUR leadership challenger Ed Miliband pissed the bed when he was 15, David Miliband said yesterday.