GOOD morning and congratulations on making the best decision of your life - you’re going to vote UKIP.
ED Miliband has confirmed his shopping bill is only £80 a week because he just eats Wagon Wheels.
FIRST-TIME buyers can now borrow unlimited money to buy a castle, George Osborne has confirmed.
THE heatwave, puppies and the poisoning of Game of Thrones tyrant Joffrey prove that austerity is working, the Tories have claimed.
DAVID Cameron has demanded 'all the jabs going' ahead of his trip to Scotland.
ED Miliband has dismissed the latest opinion polls, insisting they are nothing more than a fairly good indication of how people will vote in a general election.
THE stupidest people in Newark were bereft today after being denied the chance to vote for Nigel Farage.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage says he cannot understand how the party keeps choosing candidates with sociopathic opinions.