VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.
THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.
THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.
THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.
BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.
BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.
BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election.