Tories to have Euro summit explained to them slowly

FEVERED Tories are to have the purpose of the crucial Euro summit explained to them as slowly as it takes.

Plan to pay off deficit with bits of old soap 'not working'

THE government's plan to wipe out Britain's deficit using little bits of discarded soap is not going well, David Cameron has revealed.

May 'thought illegal immigrants had tentacles'

THERESA May relaxed passport checks as she assumed that foreign criminals looked like enormous moustachioed sea creatures, it has emerged.

G20 leaders revealed as covert anti-capitalism activists

THE leaders of the G20 nations are undercover anarchists who have deliberately destroyed the West's capitalist economy, it has emerged.

Why would you think pension strikes are about pensions? asks TUC

TRADE Unions are to press ahead with pension strikes because the strikes are not about pensions and never have been, it was confirmed last night.

Tax scandal would have destroyed Cable's credibility

VINCE Cable's failure to pay income tax on time would have destroyed any credibility he still had, it has been confirmed.

God we bloody hate the Lib Dems, say Tory backbenchers

A RECORD number of Tory MPs last night said the Lib Dems are a bunch of homos.

Liam Fox bars Werrity from his Nando's birthday party

DEFENCE secretary Liam Fox has distanced himself from controversial associate Adam Werrity by dis-inviting him to his upcoming birthday party at Nando's in Chiswick, it has emerged.