Gove left wife in hotel to go out partying with 11-year-old son

MICHAEL Gove left his fully-grown wife alone in a hotel room while he went out partying with their 11-year-old son, it has been confirmed.

Thanks for making us experts on tedious financial shit, UK tells Brexiters

BRITONS have thanked Leave voters for forcing them to learn about piss-boring things like exchange rates and EU law.

Bank of England governor to be replaced with bucket full of stupid suggestions

BANK of England governor Mark Carney is to be replaced with a bucket filled with random suggestions from Theresa May and her idiot friends.

Tony Blair helpfully describes Remain voters as ‘insurgents’

TONY Blair has helped out British politics by calling Remain voters ‘insurgents’ who must ‘mobilise’.

All Brexit arguments settled by 0.5 per cent third-quarter growth

ALL debates about the negative impact of Brexit have been settled for good by Britain's 0.5 per cent third-quarter growth.

We have principles but they’re incredibly weird, say Tory MPs

CONSERVATIVE MPs have confirmed they do have principles they would resign over, but that they are wilfully strange and obscure.

Government to approve any bullshit that sounds impressive

AFTER approving a third runway at Heathrow, the government has decided to press ahead with any idiotic project that sounds impressive.

Paul Nuttall not leadership material even for UKIP

PAUL Nuttall is in no way, shape or form leadership material even for UKIP, it has emerged.