Britain To Make Horrifyingly Ill-Informed Choice

BRITAIN will today once again cast its vote guided by a series of worthless opinions with no basis in fact.

Labour Calls For Tactical Vote-Rigging

THE Labour Party has urged its vote riggers in key marginal seats to make it look as if quite a lot of fictional people have voted Liberal Democrat.

Brown And Clegg In Synchronised Larry Grayson Tribute

DAVID Cameron moved a step closer to Downing Street last night after Gordon Brown and Nick Clegg's ill-judged tribute to Larry Grayson.

Tories Will Scrap Free TV Licence For Bigoted Old Hags, Says Brown

GORDON Brown today accused the Tories of planning to scrap benefits for spiteful, racist old bitches who can freeze to death for all he cares.

Peppa Pig Will Work With Labour But Not Brown

LIBERAL Democrat leader Peppa Pig has insisted she could work with Labour in a hung parliament, but not under Gordon Brown.

Brown To Be Turned Into Glue

PRIME minister Gordon Brown is to be turned into glue, it emerged last night.

Electorate Begs For Death

SERIOUSLY, either stop this shit or kill us, Britain's electorate begged last night.