Life to be slightly easier for people who are absolutely fine

GEORGE Osborne will next week make life at least 10 per cent better for people who have nothing to worry about.

Livingstone promises more magical nannies

KEN Livingstone has pledged to boost childcare for Londoners with the introduction of magic nannies.

Dog eats Miliband's leadership skills

ED Miliband's ability to be prime minster has been eaten by an alsatian.

Cameron has concept of strike action explained to him

DAVID Cameron has finally grasped the basic concept of industrial action after a gruelling 14-hour tutorial.

Pickles told to come up with something not involving food

TUCK-LOVING Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has been severely reprimanded after unveiling yet another grub-based 'cohesion strategy'.

Lansley to be paraded around Britain

ANDREW Lansley is to be toured across the nation as its officially-appointed hate sponge.

Miliband 'lacks video game skills to lead UK'

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is stuck on Level 2-3 of Angry Birds, with a similarly poor performance at Fruit Ninja.

Britain has a motorway speed limit, claims minister

TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.