Andrew Mitchell 'ejaculated into nurse's handbag'

GOVERNMENT chief whip Andrew Mitchell is a serial abuser of public servants, it has emerged.

Clegg convinces himself apology was genuine

LIB DEM leader Nick Clegg has succeeded in believing the sincerity of his own apology.

Romney 'repulsed' by people under six foot

MITT Romney’s presidential campaign suffered a blow today as footage emerged of him calling for the deportation of relatively short people.

Clegg apologises for principles

NICK Clegg has apologised for having a moral viewpoint on something.

Britain demands amusing prime minister

BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.

Mitt Romney built from three dead Republican senators and a dog

PRESIDENTIAL hopeful Mitt Romney was constructed from four dead things, it has emerged.

Mitt Romney pledges presidency devoted to killing John Connor

REPUBLICAN candidate Mitt Romney has promised to hunt down and destroy resistance leader John Connor.

Clegg and Cameron clash over best route to Tesco

A CONFLICT over the quickest way to the supermarket is the latest rift in the ever-weakening coalition.