Cuts are my porn, says Osborne

CHANCELLOR George Osborne has revealed that reducing the size of government is a hugely erotic experience.

Miliband touching cloth

FALLING unemployment and signs of economic recovery have left Ed Miliband dangerously close to self-befoulment.

Bilderberg Group meets to decide next season's hemlines

THE all-powerful Bilderberg Group has met to decide whether the puffball skirt will make a comeback in autumn.

Bring back Judy Blume, says Michael Gove

PUPILS should be encouraged to read Judy Blume's classic teen novels about tender sexual awakenings, according to Michael Gove.