I just want you to be happy, Sturgeon tells Miliband

ED Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon have once again failed to fully explore their emotional wants and needs.

UKIP funded by massive tits

RICHARD Desmond has boosted UKIP's election campaign with a £1m donation generated by breasts.

Clegg happy to carry on being The Gimp

NICK Clegg has confirmed his role in any future coalition will be The Gimp.

Cameron’s retro Thatcherism to include Golf cabriolets and Howard Jones

HARD-WORKING British families will be driving Golf Cabriolets and wearing white socks if the Conservatives are re-elected.

Green manifesto to be full of crazy stuff about oil not lasting forever

THE Green Party has been told to withdraw its manifesto after it claimed oil would eventually run out.

Cameron being hassled by Thatcher’s ghost

DAVID Cameron has told close friends he is being continually hassled by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Miliband’s pledge: 'I will really try not to completely f**k Britain'

ED Miliband has pledged that a Labour government will try really hard not to fuck everything up.

Cameron sets out Tory dream of grateful minions with nice big tellies

DAVID Cameron has set out the ‘Conservative dream’ of a society of hard-working drones who love television more than life itself.