Duncan Smith Vows To Make Daytime TV Less Compelling

UNMISSABLE daytime shows like Bargain Hunt will be replaced by footage of rotating cheese in the government's latest bid to make work pay.

Defiant Labour MPs Stand By Goebbels

A GROUP of Labour MPs has written to the German government demanding a posthumous pardon for Joseph Goebbels.

BNP Actually A Wild Animal Charity

THE British National Party was founded as a charity to help nurse poorly hedgehogs back to health, lawyers studying the party's constitution have found.

Spending Review Welcomed By Fagin

THE government's spending review was last night welcomed by wily old men who organise gangs of cheeky pick-pockets.

Gordon Brown To Have A Nice, Lazy Day

GORDON Brown will have a late breakfast, watch some afternoon telly and then take a nice long bath while George Osborne is kicking your bastarding teeth down your throat, it has been confirmed.

David Miliband Supporters To Undermine His Brother Just For The Hell Of It

SUPPORTERS of David Miliband will today launch a concerted effort to destroy the leadership of Ed Miliband whether either of them likes it or not.

Miliband To Organise Anti-Apartheid Disco

ED Miliband is to organise a really great anti-apartheid disco that will get everyone totally motivated.

Vince Cable Is Just So Cute, Say Bankers

WHEN Vince Cable bangs his little fists and stamps his little feet he is just the cutest thing in the world, bankers said last night.