Tories Hire Vorderman To Help People Work Out If Firstplus Loan Was A Good Idea

CAROL Vorderman is to head a Conservative Party taskforce to help people work out if debt consolidation loans are really such a good idea after all.

What Is Your Fucking Problem? Britain Asks IMF

THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its fucking problem is.

I Warned Of Crisis Ten Years Ago Then Did Absolutely Nothing About It, Says Brown

GORDON Brown yesterday said he warned of the financial crisis 10 years ago but did nothing to stop it because, quite frankly, he wants us all dead.

Labour Politicians Do Nothing Wrong Again

THE Labour Party was embroiled in controversy last night after another four of its politicians did absolutely nothing wrong.


Brown To Host Vote-Buying Summit

GORDON Brown is today hosting a high-level summit to discuss radical new measures aimed at helping him keep his job.

No-One Entirely Sure What Speaker Said

HOUSE of Commons Speaker Michael Martin made a statement on the arrest of Tory MP Damien Green yesterday, but no-one is entirely sure what he said.

Police Kick Hell Out Of David Cameron

DAVID Cameron has become the latest Tory to receive a sound beating at the hands of the police.

Darling Has Secret Plan To Keep Buggering About

CHANCELLOR Alistair has a secret plan to keep buggering about with the British economy until he finds something that works, it was revealed last night.