Lib Dems Pledge 20% Increase In Semen-Filled Tube Socks

NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.

Tory Campaign To Focus On Marginal Wives

THE Conservative Party leadership are to shift the focus of their election campaign to securing the support of their own wives.

Labour Eyes Poll Boost From Ripper Release

GORDON Brown is considering granting parole to the Yorkshire Ripper in the hope of another opinion poll boost.

Angry Taxpayers Demand Tutorial From Lord Ashcroft

VOTERS across Britain have expressed outrage at Lord Ashcroft's ability to avoid more tax than them.

Gordon Brown's Raging Psychosis: Part 4,680

OH hello there, today's story of schizoid behaviour involves the chancellor, Alistair Darling...

Brown's Insanity 'Distracting Voters From How Bad He Is At His Job'

CONSTANT coverage of Gordon Brown's psychosis is beginning to distract voters from how appalling he is at being prime minister, Labour strategists claimed last night.

Brown Threatens To Destroy Anti-Bullying Charity

GORDON Brown dismissed claims of bullying last night and threatened to ruin the life of anyone who says different.

Cameron 'Partial To A Spot Of Light Porn'

TORY leader Dave Cameron has revealed he enjoys watching 'erotic thrillers' on late night television after the wife has gone to bed.