Cameron unable to claim Jobseeker’s Allowance for another five months

DAVID Cameron cannot claim unemployment benefit for another five months because he quit his last job, it has emerged.

Adults have sensible discussion about grammar schools

TWO adult humans have discussed grammar schools from opposing perspectives without either of them going off in a massive strop.

He actually spoke against Corbyn, says aghast Labour supporter

LABOUR leadership challenger Owen Smith stood on stage and said bad things about Jeremy Corbyn right to Jeremy’s face, shocked supporters have confirmed.

Everyone agrees to quietly forget Brexit thing ever happened

EVERYONE has agreed to quietly sweep the referendum result under the carpet, it has been confirmed.

UKIP announces unclear plans for brewery-based drinking session

UKIP has announced unclear and contradictory plans for a night of drinking in a brewery.

Everyone worried Owen Smith will try to sell them a vacuum cleaner

BRITONS are worried that Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith might try to sell them life insurance or solar panels, they have revealed.

UKIP steps up search for new bellend

UKIP is to accelerate its leadership election to fill the bellend void left by Nigel Farage.

Government to spend £350 million a week on Brexit negotiations

THERESA May has pledged to spend £350m a week negotiating Britain’s exit from the EU.