Deficit Reduction Was Based On Sales Of 'Between The Wars', Admits Darling

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has been forced to scrap his deficit reduction plan, admitting it was based entirely on sales of Billy Bragg's Between the Wars EP.

At Least She's Not Gay, Says Robinson

NORTHERN Ireland's first minister last night thanked God that his corrupt, adulterous wife was not a lesbian whore.

Labour Big Guns Claim Gordon Brown Is Still Prime Minister

LABOUR was dealt a blow today as two senior party figures claimed Gordon Brown was still prime minister.


Kill The Poor, Says Cameron

THE Conservatives have pledged to bring in a new law guaranteeing the right to kill poor people, foreigners and socialists.

Labour MP Is Named Quentin

GORDON Brown's plan for a class war against the Conservatives was in tatters last night after it emerged that one of his MPs is named Quentin.

Tories To Buy Darling A House

THE Conservative Party last night offered to buy chancellor Alistair Darling the home of his dreams.

Brown Unveils Radical Package Of Lies And Bullshit

GORDON Brown today pledged to cut Britain's deficit with a radical package of outright lies.

Most Etonians Incredibly Well Educated, Say Experts

MOST of the people who went to Eton are much, much better educated than most of the people who went to school in Kirkcaldy, experts said last night.