Oh For Christ's Sake Just Do It, Britain Tells Labour

LABOUR was today told to just get on with it so we can all have a peaceful weekend without having to watch Nick Robinson jumping up and down like a child that's bursting for a piss.

Rats Desert Shit Government

A PROCESSION of Labour ministers and backbench MPs announced their resignations yesterday, like rats deserting an utterly shit government.

Cameron Pledges Power To The Maniacs

TORY leader David Cameron last night pledged to transform British democracy by devolving power to the lowest possible level of maniac.

Labour To Back PR For Insultingly Obvious Reasons

LABOUR is to back proportional representation in what they claim will be a major step towards rebuilding their chances of getting back into power before everyone's dead.

Ministers Hired Accountants Who Don't Know What Capital Gains Tax Is

NINE government ministers used £11,000 of taxpayers' money to scour Britain for the tiny handful of accountants who don't know what capital gains tax is, it emerged last night.

MPs Begin Desperate Hunt For Loopholes

A NEW system of MPs' allowances was outlined by Gordon Brown last night as shamed members of parliament immediately began scouring it for scams and loopholes.

Labour Chief Whip Defends Pet Cheetah

NICK Brown, the Labour chief whip, has defended his £19,000 food bill, insisting it is not cheap to feed a pet cheetah these days.

Bunch Of Shits Turn On Chief Shit

MICHAEL Martin, the Chief Shit, was clinging to office last night amid a growing revolt by all the other stinking turds.