Labour Manifesto To Focus On Bullying Injured Soldiers

GORDON Brown is pinning Labour's re-election hopes on a strategy of dragging injured soldiers through the courts and trying to steal their money.

Boris Johnson Keeps Gigantic Chicken

MAYOR of London Boris Johnson is the owner of a record-breaking chicken it emerged last night.

Prescott phone tap reveals obsession with chip butties and viagra

JOHN Prescott's obsession with chip butties and erection pills are no-one's business but his own, the former deputy prime minister said last night.

No-One To Phone A Radio Show Ever Again

PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

Man You've Never Heard Of Is Now Thing You Don't Care About

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

MPs Censor Expenses In Bid To Make You Forget

MPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.

Thatcher Tries To Close Her Own Ward

BARONESS Thatcher was under sedation last night after trying to close the ward where she is being treated.

Brown Makes Arse Of New Thing

GORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.