A Guide To The People You Don't Care About In Labour's Civil War

AS Gordon Brown fights for his political life the Daily Mash brings you a guide to the key players in the tumultuous battle for the heart and soul of the Labour party. No, we don't really give a shit either.

Rampant Gurkhas Will Chop Your Head Off, Warns Brown

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has warned of large piles of severed heads if thousands of tiny Gurkhas are given the right to live in the UK.

Christ On A Bike, Says Britain

THE full extent of the Britain's public debt last night led to a devastating collapse in the nation's face.

Brown Somehow Manages To Make Total Arse Of MPs' Expenses

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has surprised Westminster by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.

Budget To Include £1 Billion For New Squats

TOMORROW'S Budget is expected to include a £1 billion programme to build thousands of houses that no-one can afford to buy.

I'm Not Even Trying Any More, Admits Darling

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night admitted he is not even trying any more after pledging £15bn worth of 'efficiency savings'.

'Civil Servants' 'Exaggerated' 'Case' Against Damian Green

MINSTERS made up a load of lies to try and get Tory frontbencher Damian Green arrested, it has been claimed.

Brown Urged To Distance Himself From Himself

PRIME minister Gordon Brown was last night being urged to distance himself from himself.