Politics

MPs Begin Desperate Hunt For Loopholes


A NEW system of MPs' allowances was outlined by Gordon Brown last night as shamed members of parliament immediately began scouring it for scams and loopholes.

Labour Chief Whip Defends Pet Cheetah

NICK Brown, the Labour chief whip, has defended his £19,000 food bill, insisting it is not cheap to feed a pet cheetah these days.

Bunch Of Shits Turn On Chief Shit

MICHAEL Martin, the Chief Shit, was clinging to office last night amid a growing revolt by all the other stinking turds.

MPs Call For Ban On Huge, Irresistible Televisions

MPs from all parties last night demanded a ban on the gigantic, irresistible, state of the art television sets at the root of the House of Commons expenses scandal.

Question Time Audience Marches On London

THE audience from BBC1's Question Time was marching on London last night, parading the severed head of housing minister Margaret Beckett on a pike, like some kind of ghoulish mascot.

MP Becomes First Ever Person To Forget He Had Paid Off His Mortgage

LABOUR MP Elliot Morley was last night confirmed as the first person in the history of the world to forget he had paid off his mortgage.

Sorry Brown Gets Buck Naked


THE war of political apologies escalated last night as prime minister Gordon Brown pledged all his clothes to a charity shop and began wandering about in the buff.

Top Tory Claims For Drawbridge Wax


THE Tories last night proved they have still got it after it was revealed that a senior MP claimed more than £2000 for drawbridge wax and moat freshener.