MP Who Left Cancer-Stricken Wife For Mistress 'Did Not Break Any Rules'

THE Tory MP who had an affair while his wife was battling breast cancer last night insisted he had followed House of Commons rules 'to the letter'.

Harman's Husband Urged To Shag Her

THE husband of Labour's deputy leader Harriet Harman was last night urged to give her a right good seeing to.

Labour Manifesto To Focus On Bullying Injured Soldiers

GORDON Brown is pinning Labour's re-election hopes on a strategy of dragging injured soldiers through the courts and trying to steal their money.

Boris Johnson Keeps Gigantic Chicken

MAYOR of London Boris Johnson is the owner of a record-breaking chicken it emerged last night.

Prescott phone tap reveals obsession with chip butties and viagra

JOHN Prescott's obsession with chip butties and erection pills are no-one's business but his own, the former deputy prime minister said last night.

No-One To Phone A Radio Show Ever Again

PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

Man You've Never Heard Of Is Now Thing You Don't Care About

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

MPs Censor Expenses In Bid To Make You Forget

MPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.