Politics

Simpletons of Newark bereft

THE stupidest people in Newark were bereft today after being denied the chance to vote for Nigel Farage.

How does UKIP keep selecting all these nutters? asks puzzled Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage says he cannot understand how the party keeps choosing candidates with sociopathic opinions.

You should have heard some of the other poster ideas, says Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has rejected criticism of the party’s latest poster campaign, assuring people they have absolutely no idea.

Public furious about having to find out who Maria Miller is

BRITONS are outraged about being forced to look up Maria Miller on the internet.

Culture secretary says she spent all the money on culture

CULTURE secretary Maria Miller has claimed the £1.2 million profit from her taxpayer-funded second home was spent on 'loads of culture'.

Britain backs Farage plan to move country to alternate universe

BRITAIN is backing Nigel Farage’s plan to send the country through a wormhole to an alternate universe where everything is perfect forever.

Ed Miliband to dress like Bootsy Collins

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to embrace his weird side by dressing like a member of 70s collective Funkadelic.

Osborne to get everyone a fancy job

GEORGE Osborne is to use his school and family connections to get everyone into easy, well-paid work.