Politics

All Brexit arguments settled by 0.5 per cent third-quarter growth

ALL debates about the negative impact of Brexit have been settled for good by Britain's 0.5 per cent third-quarter growth.

We have principles but they’re incredibly weird, say Tory MPs

CONSERVATIVE MPs have confirmed they do have principles they would resign over, but that they are wilfully strange and obscure.

Government to approve any bullshit that sounds impressive

AFTER approving a third runway at Heathrow, the government has decided to press ahead with any idiotic project that sounds impressive.

Paul Nuttall not leadership material even for UKIP

PAUL Nuttall is in no way, shape or form leadership material even for UKIP, it has emerged.

Lib Dems regain position as Britain’s last, desperate choice

THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost.

Theresa May loses Britain in late-night poker game

THE prime minister has lost British sovereignty to Germany in a game of poker at the European summit in Brussels.

UKIP to bow out with massive pub brawl

UKIP is to signal its demise with a classic British pub fight, it has been confirmed.

Boris has Marxist column ready to go in case that becomes popular

BORIS Johnson has prepared a magazine article about how great Marxism is, it has emerged.