Politics

Budget to focus on growth, jobs and old, greedy bastards tempted to vote UKIP

GEORGE Osborne has hinted that today's Budget will be for business, growth and vile pensioners who want lots of free stuff.

Miliband rules out forming a government

ED Miliband has confirmed that Labour will refuse to govern the country if it wins the general election.

Grant Shapps confesses to second job as The Equalizer

CONSERVATIVE chairman Grant Shapps has admitted he had a second job as a vigilante delivering street justice while an MP.

Justine Miliband not allowed in the big kitchen

ED MILIBAND'S wife is banned from the proper kitchen where he cooks flamboyant gourmet meals, it has emerged.

Britain to have only one law at a time, says Farage

NIGEL Farage wants Britain to have a rolling programme of 365 laws, each in operation for one day a year.

Free parking had better be just the f**king start, say voters

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.

TV debate must include at least two mental ones, says Cameron

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

Farage offers to 'vet' every immigrant

UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.