Politics

Shadow minister for Self-Important Political Gestures resigns

THE shadow minister for Resigning To Make A Political Point has offered her resignation to Jeremy Corbyn.

Farage stalked by ‘bellend killer’

THE ‘assassination’ attempt on Nigel Farage may be the work of a serial killer with a grudge against bellends, police believe.

Corbyn’s Christmas lunch to be his usual thin soup plus half a potato

JEREMY Corbyn’s special Christmas meal will be his staple thin soup but with the addition of some potato.

Osborne sleeps well despite being visited by three ghostly apparitions

GEORGE Osborne slept soundly last night, despite being visited by three ghosts warning him to repent.

Red box containing Thatcher's demon soul sold at auction

THE RED box which Margaret Thatcher's immortal demonic soul was tricked into entering has sold at auction for £242,500.

Cameron thinks ‘bruv’ means ‘a cup of tea’

THE prime minister thinks the word ‘bruv’ is a slang term for a hot drink.

Nigel Farage: I am popular and handsome

THE UKIP leader has confirmed he remains popular with white working-class voters and attractive to women.

Defence secretary spends entire debate doodling explosions

DEFENCE secretary Michael Fallon has spent the whole of today's Syria debate doodling bombs and explosions.