Liz Kendall to punch UK's last coal miner

LABOUR leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has promised to punch the last surviving British coal miner hard in the face.

Osborne swears parliamentary oath on Necronomicon

GEORGE Osborne has sworn his oath of allegiance on the sacred book of the Old Ones of R'lyeh.

Tristram Hunt ducks out of leadership race after discovering he's a Tory

TRISTRAM Hunt will not stand in the Labour leadership contest after finding out he was actually a Conservative all along.

Len McCluskey revealed to be Marquis of Shaftesbury

UNION leader Len McCluskey is really George De Montford, the 12th Marquis of Shaftesbury, it has emerged.

Nobody ever said anything mean about Ed Miliband, says Chuka Umunna

CHUKA Umunna has pulled out of Labour’s leadership contest in horror at the press’s unprecedented willingness to be unpleasant about him.

New party for socialist misanthropes a hit

MEMBERSHIP has surged for a new party for left-wingers who want to help the ordinary people they absolutely despise.

Labour accused of abandoning upper middle class

SENIOR Labour politicians have called on the party to reconnect with its core supporters, people who have nice big houses.

Potential Farage replacements included something that has never been out of its cellar

UKIP has decided to keep Nigel Farage as leader because his strongest rival was a humanoid known only as ‘Beast’.