Politics

No such thing as an unsackable minister, says politician oblivious to irony

THE prime minister has been praised for her obliviousness to irony after claiming there is 'no such thing as an unsackable minister'.

Tories to keep eating each other until there is just one big Tory left

THE Conservatives have confirmed they will continue to eat each other until only one giant, bloated Tory remains.

Hammond separates Bourbons before eating them, says latest Tory leak

PHILIP Hammond removes the top of his Bourbon biscuits to lick the cream inside, the latest damaging leak from Cabinet meetings has claimed.

Having a female leader is simply not credible, confirms Labour

HAVING a woman in a leading role that has always been filled by a man is just not credible, the Labour Party has confirmed.

You owe me money, Hammond tells public sector workers

PHILIP Hammond has told public sector workers that they should pay back what he has given them.

Government department DExEU ‘stole name from grime artist’

THE cool-sounding name of the Brexit department DExEU was lifted by senior Conservatives from an up-and-coming grime MC, it has emerged.

May 'shed tear that burned through three floors and an intern'

THERESA May has admitted that the ‘devastating’ election result made her shed a tear which burned through a desk, three floors and a young intern.

Brexit plan actually more like a Clockwork Orange, confirms auditor general

THE official who compared the government's Brexit plan to a chocolate orange has clarified he actually meant the senseless brutality of the film A Clockwork Orange.