Politics

UK to become ‘moneyless’ economy

BRITAIN is to take the idea of the ‘cashless’ economy a step further by becoming a moneyless economy, George Osborne has announced.

Miliband’s brain to be transplanted into manly body

THE brain of Labour leader Ed Miliband is to be transplanted into the body of male model David Gandy.

George Osborne claims to have negotiated second finger of Twix

BRITAIN got two chocolate bars for the price of one following negotiations with a Brussels vending machine, according to George Osborne.

The Mash guide to Labour’s leadership challengers

WHO are the men and women hoping to be loathed slightly less than David Cameron?

Voters to get WW2-style propaganda

BRITONS are to receive crude 1940s-style propaganda from the Conservative party.

My wife makes all my t-shirts, says Cameron

The prime minister has confirmed that all his t-shirts are ethically manufactured by his wife.

Labour pledges new way of treating Scotland with utter contempt

THE Labour party has pledged to renew its unbridled contempt for Scottish voters.

Jogger 'stable' after brushing against toxic amphibian

THE jogger who triggered David Cameron’s poison glands is being cared for at home by relatives.