LABOUR leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has promised to punch the last surviving British coal miner hard in the face.
GEORGE Osborne has sworn his oath of allegiance on the sacred book of the Old Ones of R'lyeh.
TRISTRAM Hunt will not stand in the Labour leadership contest after finding out he was actually a Conservative all along.
UNION leader Len McCluskey is really George De Montford, the 12th Marquis of Shaftesbury, it has emerged.
CHUKA Umunna has pulled out of Labour’s leadership contest in horror at the press’s unprecedented willingness to be unpleasant about him.
MEMBERSHIP has surged for a new party for left-wingers who want to help the ordinary people they absolutely despise.
SENIOR Labour politicians have called on the party to reconnect with its core supporters, people who have nice big houses.
UKIP has decided to keep Nigel Farage as leader because his strongest rival was a humanoid known only as ‘Beast’.