Politics

May makes generous offer to remain in reality for further two years

THE prime minister has offered to abide by the laws of reality for a further two years while details of the wonderful fantasyland awaiting Britain are negotiated.

Choose your own Boris Johnson adventure

YOU are Boris Johnson, foreign secretary, bon vivant and statesman, but can you make it to the end of the week without being forced to resign?

The Mash guide to the next prime minister

VINCE Cable says it could be him, Boris Johnson thinks it should be him, and Rupert Murdoch has already decided it will be Michael Gove. But what are the odds on Britain’s next leader?

Boris unveils plan to become PM by murdering everyone

AN increasingly desperate Boris Johnson plans to become prime minister by murdering everyone else in Britain.

Tedious arse wrongly claiming fascism and communism are the same

A MAN thinks he is making a brilliant intellectual point by pointing out superficial similarities between fascism and communism for the umpteenth time.

May to win approval of young by quitting

THERESA May is to boost her standing among young voters by stepping down with immediate effect.

Nobody pays for our holidays except Theresa May, says DUP

THE Democratic Unionist MP accused of taking £100k holidays in Sri Lanka has insisted that the only person paying for his jollies is Theresa May.

Britons to milk EU divorce like sad-eyed children

THE British people are planning to demand a pony, an iPad and a trip to Disney World if the EU divorce gets any nastier, they have confirmed.