Politics
Clegg to set more achievable goals
FOLLOWING his failure to push through House of Lords reform, Nick Clegg is to attempt less ambitious things like making roast potatoes.
Mitt Romney completes tour of Europe by urinating on Lenin's tomb
REPUBLICAN presidential candidate Mitt Romney has concluded a visit to Russia by relieving himself on the casket containing the enbalmed body of Lenin.
Aidan Burley convinced career is back on track
MP AIDAN Burley last night reassured friends that he is still on schedule to be prime minister by 2017.
Twilight crisis triggers emergency UN meeting
MEMBERS of the United Nations met last night to discuss the crisis threatening to engulf the Twilight saga.
Gordon Brown 'anally probed by ETs'
GORDON Brown was painfully probed by aliens at the behest of Tony Blair, government files have revealed.
Public confused by concept of Tory rebels
POLITICAL commentators are being repeatedly asked to explain exactly what a Tory rebel is and if they look anything like James Dean.
Balls is a vampire, says Osborne
GEORGE Osborne has launched a fresh attack on Ed Balls, saying he is 'pretty sure' the shadow chancellor is a vampire.
Cameron launches campaign of racism against Greeks
THE coalition government has launched a £10m campaign encouraging everyone to hate the Greeks.