UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.
THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.
THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.
BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.
BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.
BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election.
DAVID Cameron is to tackle obesity by chasing every overweight person in Britain through a shower room whilst flicking their buttocks with a damp towel.
BORIS Johnson is to have his US personality Big Tex Johnson removed and sent to the States to live an independent life.