Politics

Cameron gives up boyhood dream of being prime minister for 50 years

DAVID Cameron has admitted he will not serve as prime minister for a full five decades.

South Wales going quietly insane

PLANS to do insane things like turning Swansea into a sunken lagoon have been waved through by a distracted parliament. 

Budget to focus on growth, jobs and old, greedy bastards tempted to vote UKIP

GEORGE Osborne has hinted that today's Budget will be for business, growth and vile pensioners who want lots of free stuff.

Miliband rules out forming a government

ED Miliband has confirmed that Labour will refuse to govern the country if it wins the general election.

Grant Shapps confesses to second job as The Equalizer

CONSERVATIVE chairman Grant Shapps has admitted he had a second job as a vigilante delivering street justice while an MP.

Justine Miliband not allowed in the big kitchen

ED MILIBAND'S wife is banned from the proper kitchen where he cooks flamboyant gourmet meals, it has emerged.

Britain to have only one law at a time, says Farage

NIGEL Farage wants Britain to have a rolling programme of 365 laws, each in operation for one day a year.

Free parking had better be just the f**king start, say voters

VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.