Politics

Bingo is my personal slang for porn, says Grant Shapps

SELF-DECLARED bingo enthusiast Grant Shapps was actually thinking of hardcore pornography, it has emerged.

George Osborne announces Osborne City

THE chancellor has declared that a new city is to be built following the principles of Osbornism.

Miliband denies your right to make massively ill-informed decision

ED Miliband is to deny you the right to make a cretinous, ill-informed choice about Europe.

Blair to donate everything he owns to Labour

TONY Blair is to give all his material possessions to the Labour Party.

Miliband’s home-help is foul-mouthed little Scottish woman

ED Miliband has admitted to employing a nasty little Scottish woman to help around the house.

Clegg and Farage to debate whose party is the weirdest

NICK Clegg and Nigel Farage are to argue in public about which of their two parties contains the most freaks.

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg urged to rule out all forms of government

BRITAIN’S three main political parties have been urged to rule out any kind of government whatsoever after the next election.

North Sea oil demands independence from Scotland

THE North Sea's oil and gas fields have mounted a campaign to cut all ties with Scotland and govern themselves.