Politics

Tories are like that precisely because nobody kissed them

THE Conservative party is founded on lonely nights at school discos, it has emerged.

Osborne googled ‘is it okay to eat flies?’

GOOGLE’S tax deal was rushed through after the company threatened to leak George Osborne’s disturbing internet history, it has emerged.

Jeremy Corbyn's cat to be deported for not learning English

JEREMY Corbyn's cat is under threat of deportation for only answering to ‘El Gato’.

Cameron trying to find a band that doesn’t hate him

DAVID Cameron is trying to find a band he can listen to, safe in the knowledge that the musicians do not hate his guts.

Cameron pencils in day next week to visit whatever new disaster he's caused

DAVID Cameron has penciled in next Wednesday to visit an as-yet-unknown community which has been devastated because of spending cuts.

Shadow minister for Self-Important Political Gestures resigns

THE shadow minister for Resigning To Make A Political Point has offered her resignation to Jeremy Corbyn.

Farage stalked by ‘bellend killer’

THE ‘assassination’ attempt on Nigel Farage may be the work of a serial killer with a grudge against bellends, police believe.

Corbyn’s Christmas lunch to be his usual thin soup plus half a potato

JEREMY Corbyn’s special Christmas meal will be his staple thin soup but with the addition of some potato.