Politics

Britain to leave EU because of massive, blond-haired child

BRITAIN is to set to quit the European Union because the massive, blond-haired child says so.

Panicked Michael Fallon realises he hasn’t mentioned Corbyn for nearly three hours

MICHAEL Fallon broke out in a cold sweat earlier after realising Jeremy Corbyn’s name had not passed his lips for almost three hours.

Jeremy Hunt’s mum proud of him ‘in spite of everything’

THE mother of Jeremy Hunt remains proud of him, no matter what anyone says.

Tories are like that precisely because nobody kissed them

THE Conservative party is founded on lonely nights at school discos, it has emerged.

Osborne googled ‘is it okay to eat flies?’

GOOGLE’S tax deal was rushed through after the company threatened to leak George Osborne’s disturbing internet history, it has emerged.

Jeremy Corbyn's cat to be deported for not learning English

JEREMY Corbyn's cat is under threat of deportation for only answering to ‘El Gato’.

Cameron trying to find a band that doesn’t hate him

DAVID Cameron is trying to find a band he can listen to, safe in the knowledge that the musicians do not hate his guts.

Cameron pencils in day next week to visit whatever new disaster he's caused

DAVID Cameron has penciled in next Wednesday to visit an as-yet-unknown community which has been devastated because of spending cuts.