Britons to be given universal right to Greggs

BRITISH citizens’ right to never be more than 1,000 metres from a branch of Greggs will be enshrined in law, the government confirmed yesterday.

Cameron and Trump bond following plane crash in bear country

DAVID Cameron and Donald Trump have learned mutual respect after being stranded together in a remote wilderness.

We quite like Hitler actually, say Brexit supporters

MANY Brexit supporters are confused by Boris Johnson’s negative comparison of the EU to Nazi Germany, it has emerged.

They're fantastically corrupt, says president of Nigeria

THE presidents of Nigeria and Afghanistan have been overheard discussing how the British government is 'fantastically corrupt'.

Iain Duncan Smith gives speech by headbutting podium in Morse code

IAIN Duncan Smith has delivered a major speech on Europe by repeatedly headbutting a wooden podium. 

Massive wolf coming to eat all our sheep, warns Cameron

BRITAIN'S flocks are at risk of being devastated by an enormous wolf, David Cameron has warned.

Zac Goldsmith has lavish, multi-million pound tantrum

ZAC Goldsmith is throwing gold bars through 90-inch televisions after losing the race to be London mayor.

Can we kill Corbyn yet? asks knife-wielding mob of Labour MPs

MODERATE Labour MPs wielding knives are asking if Labour’s results are bad enough to slaughter Jeremy Corbyn.