Politics

Theresa May's campaign schedule for today

AN exclusive look at Theresa May's campaign schedule for today, and every other day.

Labour given 500,000-vote head start to make this vaguely interesting

THE Labour party will receive a head start in the election to try and inject a bit of tension, it has emerged.

Man being passionately political on Facebook will definitely forget to vote

A MAN who won't shut up about how important it is to vote will forget to do it due to being in the pub.

Labour manifesto pledges to restore Tom Baker as Doctor Who

LABOUR’S manifesto promises to reverse decades of free-market mismanagement and return Tom Baker to his rightful position as Doctor Who.

May pledges free vote on vicars cycling past village greens while cricketers hit sixes into cloudless skies

THERESA May has promised MPs a free vote on the ‘nation-defining’ issue of whether vicars can still greet policemen while cycling past village greens at sunset.

Corbyn unveils crazy plan to not completely f**k up education system

JEREMY Corbyn has been branded a danger to British children after unveiling a demented plan to spend more money on their education.

May trying to imagine what human beings are like

THERESA May is trying to find out what motivates normal human beings so that she can sound vaguely like one of them, it has emerged.

Corbyn absolutely sure public will warm to him by 2037

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn is sure that, given another two decades, the British public will learn to love him.