Politics

Blair Sends Back Agent Provocateur Panties

TONY Blair is to return all his Agent Provocateur crotchless panties in protest at the saucy lingerie brand founder’s decision to reject his MBE.

Brown To Appoint Milburn As 'Cabinet Enemy'

GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.

Scots Tories Back Referendum On Existence Of Scots Tory Party

SENIOR Tories last night backed a referendum on whether the Scottish Conservative Party is real or a figment of Annabel Goldie's imagination.

Blair Announces Plans For Beard

PRIME minister Tony Blair has outlined his plans for a full beard when he leaves office at the end of this month. 

Stewart Stevenson Inducted Into Muppet Hall Of Fame

TRANSPORT minister Stewart Stevenson has become the first member of the Scottish Parliament to be inducted into the Muppet Hall of Fame.

'Cameron In Tebbit Shed Orgy' Says Tory Press Release

DAVID Cameron was last night forced to deny claims that he presided over elaborate sex games in the garden shed of former Tory chairman Lord Tebbit.

Blair Tells Gaddaffi: Salmond Is A Dick

TONY Blair and the Libyan dictator Colonel Gaddafi yesterday reached an historic agreement over the fact that Alex Salmond is a dick.

Queen Sets Attack Dogs On 'Ghastly Salmond Fellow'

ALEX Salmond was forced to flee for his life yesterday after the Queen set a pair of dogs on him at the end of their first official audience.