Cameron To Campaign For Sex With Goats

The Conservative Party will fight the next election promising to reintroduce the public strangling of traffic wardens and the legalisation of environmentally-friendly goat sex. 

Londoners 'Stink Of Eels' Says Boris Johnson

BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.

Britain And America To See Other Countries

BRITAIN and America have announced a trial separation during which they will be free to see other countries. 

Brown Backs 24-Hour Super-Musuems

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has thrown his weight behind a series of huge 24-hour super-musuems to regenerate Britain's deprived urban areas.

'Blair Stood On His Desk Shouting War! War! War!'

TONY Blair's decision to go to war in Iraq, "couldn't have been easier", according to his former spin doctor Alastair Campbell. 

Douglas Alexander To Visit Pen Pal

IN his first official act as Secretary of State for International Development, Douglas Alexander is to spend the summer with his pen pal in Bulgaria.

Ray Of Sunshine Moves Into Number 10

BRITAIN was basked in a golden glow of happy sunshine yesterday as Gordon Brown finally became Prime Minister.

Only 75% Think Blair Is A Fecking Twunt, According To Daily Mash Poll

TONY Blair was thrilled last night after only 75% of Daily Mash readers said he would be remembered as a "fecking twunt".