Politics

Douglas Alexander Gets Three As And Two Bs

DOUGLAS Alexander, the international development secretary, is celebrating an impressive set of exam scores although he had to wait an extra day to get them after problems with a new online results system.

Brown Still Sending Blair Abusive Emails

GORDON Brown is in regular contact with his predecessor Tony Blair through a relentless stream of angry, foul-mouthed emails.

Brown Gets Green-Light To Murder Enemies

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown will today begin a cull of his personal and political enemies after being given the go-ahead by the Crown Prosecution Service.

Cameron To Campaign For Sex With Goats

The Conservative Party will fight the next election promising to reintroduce the public strangling of traffic wardens and the legalisation of environmentally-friendly goat sex. 

Londoners 'Stink Of Eels' Says Boris Johnson

BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.

Britain And America To See Other Countries

BRITAIN and America have announced a trial separation during which they will be free to see other countries. 

Brown Backs 24-Hour Super-Musuems

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has thrown his weight behind a series of huge 24-hour super-musuems to regenerate Britain's deprived urban areas.

'Blair Stood On His Desk Shouting War! War! War!'

TONY Blair's decision to go to war in Iraq, "couldn't have been easier", according to his former spin doctor Alastair Campbell.