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HAIN BACKS MASSIVE POLICE PAY RISE

MPs TO DEBATE MAJOR EUROPEAN ZZZzzzzzzzz...

HAIN UNAWARE HE HAD BEEN GIVEN A BENTLEY

LIB DEMS ARE THE PARTY OF GOD-HATING PERVERTS, DECLARES CLEGG

BRITAIN SAYS 'F*CK-YOU' TO BROWN PEOPLE

'BUY ME A CARAVAN OR I'LL STEAL ONE' BROWN TELLS TAXPAYERS

BELEAGUERED BROWN MIRED IN 'WHATABUNCHOFLYINGBASTARDSGATE'

'I'M JESUS-FLAVOURED' SAYS BLAIR

BROWN REMOVES DARLING'S EYEBROW WITH A BLOWTORCH

EU TO ASK WOMEN WHEN THEY FIRST SAT ON A WASHING MACHINE

DARLING SENDS 25 MILLION BANK RECORDS TO NIGERIAN DOCTOR

CAMERON HIRES AITKEN AS DISHONESTY COACH

'D'YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SUCH A F*CKING RACIST' SAYS TORY MP

BROWN WOOS VOTERS WITH INCREDIBLY BORING IDEA

BROWN DRAWS RED LINE AROUND SANDWICH

LIB DEMS BEGIN SEARCH FOR DYNAMIC YOUNG LOSER

P*SSED-OFF BRITAIN SAYS F*CK YOU BROWN

HALF OF ALL YOUNG TORIES ARE VICTIMS OF POLICY THEFT, SAYS CHARITY

'I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S A HATE CRIME - THAT OUTFIT,' SAYS STRAW

FLOODS, FOOT AND MOUTH, FLOODS, TERRORISM, FLOODS, FLOODS, SAYS BROWN

45% OF PUBLIC WILL VOTE FOR LAST PERSON THEY SAW ON TV

BROWN PEES PANTS

I WILL NOW MEMORISE THE BIBLE, DECLARES THE GREAT CAMEROONI

HELP ME WIN ELECTION, BROWN ASKS TERRIFIED IRAQIS

JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT, SAYS OSBORNE

KEVIN BACON TO TEACH BRITAIN HOW TO DANCE

BROWN OPTS FOR AUTUMN ERECTION

SIR MING TELLS LEADERSHIP CRITICS TO SPEAK UP

THATCHER WANDERS INTO NO.10 BROOM CUPBOARD

TUC RAISES THREAT OF WINTER IN MAJORCA

TORIES PLEDGE TO MAKE THEMSELVES UTTERLY POINTLESS

'I'M YOUR PRIVATE DANCER' CAMERON TELLS VOTERS

BLAIR HIRES SCARY CLOWN TO STALK BROWN

SCOTLAND TO BUY SECOND HAND CAR WITH OWN MONEY

DOUGLAS ALEXANDER GETS THREE As AND TWO Bs

BROWN STILL SENDING BLAIR ABUSIVE EMAILS

BROWN GETS GREEN-LIGHT TO MURDER ENEMIES

CAMERON TO CAMPAIGN FOR SEX WITH GOATS

LONDONERS 'STINK OF EELS' SAYS BORIS JOHNSON

BRITAIN AND AMERICA TO SEE OTHER COUNTRIES

BROWN BACKS 24-HOUR SUPER-MUSUEMS

'BLAIR STOOD ON HIS DESK SHOUTING WAR! WAR! WAR!'

DOUGLAS ALEXANDER TO VISIT PEN PAL

RAY OF SUNSHINE MOVES INTO NUMBER 10

ONLY 75% THINK BLAIR IS A FECKING TWUNT, ACCORDING TO DAILY MASH POLL

ROSA KLEBB WINS LABOUR DEPUTY CONTEST

'BROWN OFFERED ME A FOOT RUB', CLAIMS ASHDOWN

BLAIR SENDS BACK AGENT PROVOCATEUR PANTIES

BROWN TO APPOINT MILBURN AS 'CABINET ENEMY'

SCOTS TORIES BACK REFERENDUM ON EXISTENCE OF SCOTS TORY PARTY

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