BNP To Offer Free Didgeridoo Lessons


THE British National Party last night outlined plans for free didgeridoo lessons for Britain's aboriginal population.

Not bad for a 17,000 year-old

Party leader Nick Griffin told a Question Time audience that anyone who had lived in Britain for at least 17,000 years would be given vouchers for a 10 week course on how to master the six foot long wooden trumpet.

He said: "To all those who have lived here for less than 17,000 years I would suggest that you go back to your own country and learn to play the Alphorn, the bagpipes or whatever second rate wind instrument is currently flavour of the month with your inferior, coffee-coloured society."

In a performance hailed by critics as a 'tour de force of lunacy', Mr Griffin described Islam as a 'wicked, vicious faith that persecutes women and didgeridoo players' and insisted that Sir Winston Churchill would have joined the BNP if he had been a Nazi.

He also claimed the Ku Klux Klan was 'almost totally non violent' insisting the thousands of lynchings it carried out across the southern United States were tragic accidents and practical jokes that went wrong at the last minute.

But the BNP leader did finally admit that some Jewish people may not have survived the Second World War and called for a public inquiry to find what happened to them.

As maniacs and the Guardian united to demand the BNP be taken seriously, Welsh secretary Peter Hain said Mr Griffin's apperance was the difference between no-one being a racist lunatic and everyone being a racist lunatic. However early polling results indicate that the number of racist lunatics has remained exactly the same.

Meanwhile leading commentators at the Daily Telegraph and Daily Mail insisted the only way to defeat the BNP was to crackdown on immigration in accordance with its key manifesto pledges.

Roy Hobbs, an aborigine from Peterborough, added: "I don't necessarily agree with everything Mr Griffin says, but learning how to play Jerusalem on the didgeridoo is a white man's birthright."

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