Britain demands amusing prime minister
BORIS Johnson will become prime minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.
The Institute for Studies found that the main electoral issue was not the economy or the NHS, but whether politicians had made chucklesome appearances on Have I Got News for You, Room 101 or Top Gear.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Boris Johnson has been on almost every entertainment show, which pretty virtually guarantees him the vote of Britain’s sizeable idiot demographic, a group almost as large as the electorate.
“Idiots love Johnson’s contrived, clownish TV persona, and so will vote for him even if his policies mean they’ll be living under a flyover and cooking rats over a brazier.
“Ed Miliband doesn’t stand a chance against Johnson unless he learns to play up the whole ‘Beaker’ thing and do a song about farts with Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown.”
Voter Tom Logan said: “Boris reminds me of Dennis the Menace which makes him the ideal person to run the seventh largest economy in the world.
“Whatever people say about his competence, I just think of him dangling off that wire and it makes me laugh like an inbred Appalachian dolt.
“There he was, just hanging there like a big fat wingless seagull. Those are the sort of bold, decisive hi-jinks this country needs.”
Fellow voter Nikki Hollis said: “I’ll be voting for Boris at the next election, unless Ann Widdecombe is in it. I’d vote for her because it’s funny watching old people fall over.”