Britain prefers anarchists to Miliband
BURNING Fortnum and Mason to the ground is a more credible alternative to the budget cuts than Ed Miliband, a survey has found.
In the wake of Saturday’s anti-cuts flounce, 42% backed the government, 5% said ‘don’t know’ and 53% said they would like to set fire to an overpriced food shop and throw a breeze-block at a five star hotel.
Helen Archer, from Peterborough, said: “I’m an anarchist now. Like the Labour Party, anarchism is inherently destructive but at least it’s backed up with an actual set of ideas.
“The trade unionists were saying that all the rich people should be taxed more, but, as my five year-old daughter pointed out, ‘if we tax the rich people as much as that mummy, they’ll just fuck off to Hong Kong’.
“But even though the trade unions are stupid and wrong and their leaders are fat, nauseating, chauffeur-driven hypocrites, at least they’re saying something.
“Meanwhile Ed Miliband seems to think that somehow I don’t notice.”
Architect Nathan Muir added: “I have swithered over how far and how fast we should cut, but now I just want to go to London every month and kick the fuck out of some famous shops.
“I am also opposed in principal to authority of any kind and believe the nation state is a barrier to human progress, but it’s the kicking fuck out of stuff that really speaks to me.
“And I would also loot shit loads of that anchovy paste in the little white tubs. It’s lush.”
Meanwhile economists confirmed that wrecking the centre of a major city every four weeks would create more employment than a 2% cut in corporation tax and everyone would have a brilliant time.
Julian Cook, from Donnelly McPartlin, said: “Unemployed glaziers, joiners and painters and decorators could all throw on a bandana, smash the fuck out of Top Shop and then repair it the following week. Meanwhile it would make great telly and Top Shop could sponsor it.”
Last night the government said it would listen closely to the demonstrators’ demands before pledging to abolish the 50p tax rate and give a free back rub to Britain’s 500 cruellest millionaires.