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BRITAIN SAYS 'F*CK-YOU' TO BROWN PEOPLE |
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BRITAIN'S immigration policy is to be based on the use of Dulux colour charts, the government announced last night.
 Once you've had 'Suede Brown' you'll never go back. Apparently.
The shading system will range from the industrious, educated tones of 'Tropical Sand' to the unskilled, non-EU crime-wave that is 'Mocha Madness'.
A Home Office spokesman said: "We expect the cut off point to be somewhere between 'Almond Beige' and 'Appalachian Spring'. Funnily enough, 'English Brown' is actually far, far too brown.
"Those deemed beige enough will be offered a job, a copy of the Metro and a complimentary Sky+ box. Meanwhile the undeniably brown will be told to get back on the fucking boat."
The policy shift follows a year of intensive pressure on the government to adopt the so-called 'Himmler Method' of ethnic profiling, pioneered in Germany in the mid-1930s.
The spokesman added: "We're also piloting a scheme that involves using calipers to measure the width of the nose and the circumference of the skull.
"Cranial dimensions can tell you a great deal about an individual's ability to clean a hotel room."
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