The Daily Mash - BROWN 'BEATS CRAP' OUT OF McCONNELL ON EVE OF POLL

BROWN 'BEATS CRAP' OUT OF McCONNELL ON EVE OF POLL

03-05-07

TENSIONS inside the Labour campaign boiled over last night as Gordon Brown delivered a severe thumping to First Minister Jack McConnell.

With the party clinging to power by its fingernails the Chancellor lashed out at the Scottish Labour leader, accusing him of "disrespect, disloyalty and being rubbish".

McConnell laughed off his skelping as 'just a bit of fun'

Like a scene from the Godfather, Brown chased McConnell down the corridors of Labour HQ, hurling obscenities and wielding a dustbin lid.

McConnell was finally restrained by Scottish Secretary Douglas Alexander and Trade Secretary Alastair Darling as the Chancellor delivered several blows with a sock full of wine gums.

It's the first time this year that Brown has administered a full-scale beating to a Labour colleague.

Usually the Chancellor will use more subtle methods of control such as putting salt in a sugar bowl or taping over their favourite programmes.

A source close to Brown said: "It's been a long time coming. Jack thinks he's the man but when Gordon gives an order you don't ask questions, unless you want a bowling ball dropped on your foot 'by accident'."

An ally of McConnell said: "He fought like a tomcat. Brown is bigger and heavier but he had reinforcements. I'd like to see them go at it again, but next time just the two of them."