the dailymash

Mr Brown has been holding it in all summer, insisting if he waited the wind would die down long enough for him to urinate successfully in the open air.

But within seconds of releasing his stream it was picked up and sent back at him, liberally spraying his face, arms and chest like a gentle garden hose.

A Downing Street source said: "It was a good effort. He was holding his penis in the right way and he was pushing as hard as he could.

"At first it seemed to be working, but then there was a gust and he was quickly drenched in his own piss."

A defiant Mr Brown is now pinning his hopes on the Labour conference in Manchester later this month, and what is being billed as the most important wind-piss of his career.

A senior backbencher said: "It's time to let someone else have a piss. David Miliband is a young man with a strong bladder, while Alan Johnson knows how to piss in a way that will appeal to traditional Labour voters."

He added: "Then again Harriet Harman would adopt a squatting position, thereby delivering her piss at a surprisingly different angle."