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| BUDGET TO INCLUDE £1 BILLION FOR NEW SQUATS |
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| 21-04-09 | |
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TOMORROW'S Budget is expected to include a £1 billion programme to build thousands of houses that no-one can afford to buy.  This new estate will be known as 'Camp Dung' A senior official said: "We would urge people to wait until the houses are half-finished before they start squatting in them. "And of course we do expect hundreds to grab their sleeping bags and queue overnight for the chance to squat in one of the luxuriously appointed show homes with toilets and glass in the windows." The official added; "The only people who will be able to afford one of the new homes are the builders who have just been paid to build them. But some of the builders may choose to move house thereby freeing up their old house for squatting." Margaret Gerving, an unemployed unit from Darlington, said: "I've always dreamed of squatting in a brand new house. But I don't think it'll change me. I'll still spend most of my time swiping at the bailiffs with a large metal pole." Experts say the housing programme is the latest in a series of leaked Budget initiatives that won't make the slightest difference to anything. Employment consultant Tom Logan said: "I like the one about creating thousands of new jobs by building huge offshore wind farms that will be made in Portugal and controlled by a computer." |
