Cameron momentarily forgets to pander
DAVID Cameron was mired in controversy today after he accidentally forgot to tell you that you are brilliant.
'Was I being fleetingly honest with you? I'm such an arse!'
In a profound strategic error the prime minister released a draft of his Tory conference speech in which he told you to just pay off your fucking credit cards, you deadbeat loser.
The sentence was quickly changed to acknowledge the fact that you do not actually have any debt because you are so fantastic, all the time.
But critics immediately leapt on the error, insisting the prime minister has no right to go around telling people to pay back money they should never have borrowed in the first place, thus contributing directly to the huge economic crisis that has always been someone else’s fault.
Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, said: “Tell me what you think I want to hear immediately, you bum-faced creep.”
Shadow chancellor Ed Balls added: “Typical, same old nasty Tory arrogance that’s both typically nasty and arrogantly similar.
“There’s nothing wrong with borrowing money and not paying it back. If you need more, you just borrow more. It’s not as if the money is going to somehow run out.
“I can guarantee that Labour will never tell you to pay off your debts. Not even by accident.”
An embarassed Mr Cameron has now pledged to never again forget that all law-abiding British citizens are decent, hard working and utterly flawless.
