Fairly bright 11-year-old tipped as next chancellor

AN 11-year-old boy who is pretty good at maths and careful with money has been tipped as George Osborne’s replacement.

Needs a permission slip to go on oligarchs' yachts

Government insiders say the job will go to year seven pupil Tom Booker, who recently demonstrated his financial acumen by saving up his pocket money to get a Playstation game he really wanted instead of spending it on sweets.

A Westminster source said: “David Cameron has come to accept that Britain needs someone better qualified than Osborne, and Tom knows what the square root of 64 is.

“Tom also has much more experience of the real world than George, because he used to have a paper round.

“Osborne had his last chance at last week’s crisis meeting, but when David Cameron glanced at his notes he’d just drawn a horse.

“As well as showing an inability to engage with complex economic issues, the legs were back-to-front.”

Even at the age of 11, quite intelligent Booker’s mathematical aptitude is believed to vastly exceed that of the soon-to-be-former Chancellor, who can only do calculations by using piles of folded towels.

Booker said: “If no-one’s got a job then no-one will have any money to buy stuff and no-one will be able to sell anything. You’d have to be gay not to know that.

“If we don’t improve the economy we’ll all be like Liam Davis who comes to school in Asda trainers because his dad is unemployed, so everyone calls him ‘pov’ and wees in his sports bag.

“Is this the kind of Britain we want to live in? Probably not, even if that is funny.”

Booker has already devised a radical neo-Keynesian strategy to stimulate growth and increase fluidity of money supply by getting everyone to tidy their bedroom for a thousand pounds a week.