I can’t believe that f**king worked, says May

THERESA May is stunned that Amber Rudd’s resignation caused everyone to forget the Windrush deportations were entirely her idea, she had admitted.

The prime minister was fully expecting everyone to see through the transparent ploy of the home secretary for two years being forced to resign by the home secretary for six years, but was instead delighted to find Britain is that stupid. 

She continued: “Honestly, Theresa. Your whole life you’ve been doing this but somehow you still credit them with basic intelligence. 

“I kicked several members of the Windrush generation onto one-way flights personally. 

“But a Sunday night resignation letter from the woman I forced to be my Mini-Me and suddenly everyone’s like well, that’s been dealt with, let’s move on. And I’m like, seriously? I got away with that?

“Clearly I can bugger up Brexit as badly as I like, because I’ve got three fall guys for that one. Fox then Johnson then Davis, in that order.”