|
|
|
|
| I WILL RELEASE BRUCE FORSYTH INTO THE WILD, DECLARES CAMERON |
|
|
| 09-10-09 | |
|
ONE of the first acts of a Conservative government would be to take Bruce Forsyth into some woods and then let him go, David Cameron declared yesterday.  'Let Bruce be Bruce', said Mr Cameron He said: "Britain will not be free until Bruce Forsyth is free. Then, and only then, will it be nice to see Britain, to see Britain nice. "When I am prime minister I will coax Bruce into a large wooden crate, stick him on the back of a truck and then take him to the Forest of Dean where he can run around all day telling people that Paki is just a funny word." In a wide-ranging speech Mr Cameron also pledged to destroy the British government, force dead people to work in Asda and drag everyone up a mountain so we can see all the land that is owned by his wife's family. He said: "There's a steep climb ahead but the view from the top is worth it. Especially if it's yours as far as the eye can see." The Tory leader called for a country of self-reliant people who knew how to pitch a tent, tie a knot, start a camp fire and cook a sausage after a day-long hike up Ben Nevis. He added: "Britain, let me be your scoutmaster. I promise I will never try to feel you up or take photos of you in your trunks." But Liam Byrne, chief secretary to the Treasury, dismissed the speech, adding: "It's the same old Tory plan to push thousands of poor people off the top of a big Scottish mountain. "They're basically murderers." Get the latest Daily Mash book, Everyone Dead by Teatime Go here: thedailymash.co.uk/everyonedead |
