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MONSTER Munch will be the next first minister of Scotland, according to the latest Daily Mash readers' poll.
The reconstituted wheat and potato snack, shaped like monster's claw or perhaps a foot, took almost 50% of the votes, sweeping aside a range of weak and puny challengers. Not worthy of high office Frazzles, the stripey, bacon flavoured treat, limped home in second pace with 20% while Quavers, a flimsy cheese concoction, and Wotsits, a vulgar orange tube, took around 15% each.
"Monster Munch ran a flawless campaign," said Professor Nathan Muir of Glasgow Clyde University. "They focused on the chunkiness and managed to divert voters from the fact that pickled onion flavour is, when you think about it, really quite nasty."
He added: "Frazzles will disappointed not to have made progress on 2003 while Quavers are now down to their core vote compared with the heady days of the late 1980s.
"The poor showing by Wotsits suggests a very bad night for the Lib Dems."
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