Jacqui Smith Changes Name To 'Trixie Beaver'
HOME secretary Jacqui Smith has changed her name to 'Trixie Beaver', it was confirmed last night.
Ms Smith said the new name was a major step forward in her drive to complete the pornification of the Home Office by the end of this year.
The minister has instructed all staff to adopt their porn names, while the department's website will become a showcase for shockingly explicit Japanese home movies and renamed www.tokyoslutsonfire.gov.uk.
A Home Office spokesman said: "The Home secretary's first pet was an old donkey named Trixie and her first home was in Beaver Close in Malvern. We also used a random porn name generator which produced 'Madam Jammer', but that'll just be for Friday nights."
All male staff will be given three weeks to grow a thick moustache, while all female staff higher than grade four will now be known as 'vixens'.
Meanwhile junior female staff will be told to behave like young, naive country girls who have just arrived in the big city and are willing to try anything once.
Later this month Ms Smith and a delegation of senior Home Office officials will embark on a fact-finding mission to the US city of Dallas in a bid to find out exactly what Debbie did and where she did it.
Other government departments are expected to follow suit over the next six months with the Department of Health finalising a series of pamphlets on oral fun.
But chancellor Alistair Darling stressed there were no plans to pornify the Treasury as it has been fucking Britain in a wide variety of exotic positions for over a decade.