Kezia Dugdale quits to become prophet of doom

SCOTTISH Labour leader Kezia Dugdale has quit to wander her native land as a scorned prophet whose warnings of imminent destruction will be ignored. 

The Lothians MSP said in her resignation letter that she is to spend her future being wild-eyed, wearing grubby robes, and foretelling her homeland’s terrible fate from town-to-town. 

She continued: “I offered to remain in my position while making statements like ‘The end is coming’ and ‘We’re all doomed’ which are consistent with Scottish Labour’s message. 

“Ultimately, however, I decided I could reach more people by wandering barefoot, rattling my chains, and shouting ‘Repent!’ directly into their homes. We pride ourselves on the personal touch.

“I only hope I’ve got enough time to grow a ragged grey beard before the end. I might have left it too late.” 

The news follows Tim Farron’s decision to quit as leader of the Lib Dems to roam the UK curing the afflicted of homosexuality with his blessed hands.