Labour MP Is Named Quentin

GORDON Brown's plan for a class war against the Conservatives was in tatters last night after it emerged that one of his MPs is named Quentin.

The Labour Party has always been home to millionaire Quentins and their wonky belltowers

Downing Street admitted that Quentin Davies was a defence minister who had joined the Labour Party in 2007, but insisted Mr Brown called him 'Steve' whenever they were alone.

A spokesman said: "The prime minister is so working class that he cannot bring himself to say the name Quentin without wanting to punch someone.

"Nevertheless, it's not fair to single someone out based on something they had no control over. Steve did not choose to be named Quentin.

"Nor did he choose to work as a merchant banker for 20 years, accumulating millions and millions of pounds, some of which he then used to buy a massive country house with a belltower that he now desperately needs you to pay for. His parents made him do all those things."

Mr Davies said: "As soon as I remembered I was called Quentin, I wrote to the fees office urging them to only pay for repairs to the bits of my giant house that did not contain a large bell."

The Tories last night insisted class war had no place in modern politics but stressed that most of their high-profile cheats had normal, down-to-earth British names like 'Doug' and 'Tony' and 'Pete'.

The emergence of Labour's secret Quentin came as the latest batch of MPs' expenses claims revealed that many of them are still lying about not being thieves.

Records to June this year show that Tory leader David Cameron temporarily forgot how much he hated the allowances system, while former home secretary Jacqui Smith claimed £550 for a new television set after the previous one became clogged up with her husband's spunk.