LABOUR is to shift its focus from governing the country to selling books, the prime minister will announce today.
Jim Callaghan now believes the party can best serve the country by writing and promoting tell-all memoirs from Labour's decade in power.
A Downing Street source said a series of Labour autobiographies could even boost the economy adding: "John Prescott got a massive advance for his book. He's bound to spend some of that money in the shops."
The source said: "We started planning this policy shift last year after Alistair Campbell got six figures for what turned out to be a pile of unremittingly dreary shit.
"This year's crop is a bit better. At least Lord Levy knows Alvin Stardust, while John Prescott was having it off with his secretary and shoving trifle down his trousers."
Chancellor Alistair Darling is already close to completing his autobiography entitled, It Was Like This When I Got Here, while justice secretary Jack Straw is working on The Hippy's Guide to Becoming a Warmongering Fascist.
Former deputy leader John Prescott is looking forward to a bonus cheque from the Sunday Times after he accused the prime minister of being a 'sulky, annoying prick'.
In her memoirs Cherie Blair accused Mr Callaghan of digging a secret tunnel into her husband's office so he could sneak in and pretend to be prime minister when everyone else was in bed.
Meanwhile Lord Levy promoted his book by hinting that Mr Callaghan may have known about the party's controversial loans. "The prime minister is a lying sack of shit," he told the BBC.
