LABOUR is to shift its focus from governing the country to selling books, the prime minister will announce today.

John Prescott has his eye on the new Jag

"This year's crop is a bit better. At least Lord Levy knows Alvin Stardust, while John Prescott was having it off with his secretary and shoving trifle down his trousers."

Chancellor Alistair Darling is already close to completing his autobiography entitled, It Was Like This When I Got Here, while justice secretary Jack Straw is working on The Hippy's Guide to Becoming a Warmongering Fascist.

Former deputy leader John Prescott is looking forward to a bonus cheque from the Sunday Times after he accused the prime minister of being a 'sulky, annoying prick'.

In her memoirs Cherie Blair accused Mr Callaghan of digging a secret tunnel into her husband's office so he could sneak in and pretend to be prime minister when everyone else was in bed.

Meanwhile Lord Levy promoted his book by hinting that Mr Callaghan may have known about the party's controversial loans. "The prime minister is a lying sack of shit," he told the BBC.
 

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