Letwin on to something

TORY bastard Oliver Letwin may have struck gold with his desire to confine the working class to their hellholes, it has been claimed.

Majorca could end up being really nice

Letwin said he did not want people from Sheffield to enjoy cheap foreign holidays because they tend to leave airports covered in hair, urine and a thick, greasy substance known as ‘dripping’.

But as educated liberals used Twitter to call him a c**t, experts told them to just think about this for a minute.

Economist, Roy Hobbs, said: “What if, right, we made sure that working class people had secure jobs, good homes, excellent schools and first rate healthcare and all they had to do in return is not come anywhere near us?

“It’s perfectly natural – and admirable – to want other human beings to enjoy the same quality of life as you do, but that doesn’t mean you have to tiptoe round their puke when you’re coming out of a wonderfully authentic little tapas bar in a side street in Palma.

“You know the one – it’s near that amazing cathedral that people like you and I think is a stunning example of Gothic ecclesiastical architecture and they think is ‘shite’.

“Wanting the best for them while simultaneously hating absolutely everything about them does not make you a bad person.”

He added: “Why do they want to go somewhere foreign anyway? It just confuses them and makes them even louder.

“Besides, they tend to prefer places that are filled with the same ghastly, sub-standard food and worryingly cheap beer that they guzzle at home. The actual foreignness of it is completely irrelevant.

“So instead of hunting down Oliver Letwin and eating him, wouldn’t we better using our collective talents to somehow make Sheffield a bit warmer?

“Everyone’s a goddamn, solid gold winner.”