Leveson protestor had sacred dagger
THE man who confronted Tony Blair at the Leveson Inquiry yesterday was carrying the only weapon on earth that can kill the former PM, it has emerged.
Former priest Tom Logan was restrained by guards after crashing into the inquiry wielding The Sacred Blade of Meggido, which according to the Bible was forged of light by angels as a weapon against the Antichrist.
Logan burst into the court and accused Blair of being the jackal-spawned son of Beelzebub, and of enlisting the help of dark forces including JP Morgan with the ultimate goal of destroying everything good.
The former Prime Minister responded: “On the record, what he said is completely and totally untrue.” At which point the whole room cracked up and gave the almost supernaturally charismatic Blair a standing ovation.
As he was lead from the court, Logan was fatally impaled by a weathervane dislodged by a single bolt of lightning that flashed in an otherwise gloriously blue sky.
An unruffled Tony Blair went on to deliver a bravura performance in prevarication, insincerity and avoiding plainly obvious truths to an enraptured, almost worshipful court.
Attendees at the inquiry laughed as the hypnotic former PM graciously bowed to demands for some old favourites, including “The case for military action against Iraq was overwhelming,” “Gordon and I have an understanding” and “I was not a puppet dancing on Rupert Murdoch’s strings.”
Blair announced plans to take his outstanding performance as a honest man baffled by the terrible things done in his name to London’s West End, followed by an arena tour and 3D concert movie, gaining followers until he has recruited the largest army on the planet.