The Daily Mash - LONDONERS 'STINK OF EELS' SAYS BORIS JOHNSON

LONDONERS 'STINK OF EELS' SAYS BORIS JOHNSON

17-07-07

BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.

"Londoners are the worst people in the world"

Johnson, 43, launched a tirade against "the Cockney" for their excessive chirpiness and their insistence on "rolling out the barrel" at the slightest excuse.

The Tory MP said: "Sitting around the old Joanna down the Mile End Road every evening whingeing about 'boiled beef and carrots' is a pathetic thing to do in a modern capital city.

"Why can't they pay for their own beef and carrot concoction instead of expecting the taxpayer to be constantly riding to their rescue?"

Johnson's campaign slogans will include, "London - Absolutely Ghastly" and "Londoners - What a Bunch of Shits".

He will also write to the International Olympic Committee urging them to change their decision and award the 2012 games to Tehran.

Mr Johnson added: "Upon reflection I am completely wrong.

"I will now buy a megaphone and a hot air balloon so that I can apologise personally to the whole of London, the world's greatest city that smells of eels. Oh shit."