Michael Gove to wrestle Nadine Dorries in a pit
CHANGES to constituency boundaries will lead to MPs fighting each other bare chested in a muddy hole.
Dorries has already fought Sir Ian McKellen
The Boundary Commission has redrawn the electoral map to reduce the House of Commons to 600 seats, meaning weedy education secretary Michael Gove and sex-starved backbencher Nadine Dorries will be first to wrestle for the new seat of Bedfordshire West.
Slapping his naked pectorals, Gove said: “I am lean, well-oiled and have been eating nothing but raw octopus in order to build finger strength.
“I want to prove to the people of Bedfordshire that I am the raging beast they so badly need.”
He added: “My only worry is that Nadine is so frustrated she may attempt to grab me on the testicles.”
Dorries said: “I love fighting bare chested. It’s a very special experience to feel yourself rubbing up against another human being in a fight to the death.
“I want the people of Bedfordshire to cower in fear when I hold Michael’s corpse above my head and roar like the Balrog.”
Meanwhile Twickenham MP Vince Cable has agreed to fight strapping young Tory Zac Goldsmith for the new Richmond seat as long as he can use a weapon.
The business secretary said: “I am Vince and Vince must have a pool ball in a sock.”
