MPs from all parties last night demanded a ban on the gigantic, irresistible, state of the art television sets at the root of the House of Commons expenses scandal.
As politicians attempted to rebuild their shattered reputations, they said it was no coincidence the expenses system began to spiral out of control shortly after the introduction of the first widescreen LCD TV with Dolby digital surround sound.
Veteran Labour backbencher Sir Gerald Kauffman, said: "Cynical manufacturers are making these exquisite televisions as expensive as they possibly can, knowing full well that it simply makes them even more attractive to vulnerable MPs.
"Within a few years of the first flat screen models they started developing things like high-definition and built-in Freeview tuners. For an MP, that's like adding crack cocaine to a bottle of chocolate heroin."
A committee of senior members from across the House is now drafting emergency legislation that will make it illegal to import a television larger than 19 inches, while the government is urging Japan, Germany and South Korea to convert their television factories into strawberry farms.
Mr Kauffman, who somehow managed to spend more than £8000 on one television set, added: "And of course one cannot be expected to watch a 50 inch, wall-mounted Bang and Olufsen in an old battered chair that sits atop a cheap, grubby-looking, non-Harrods rug. That would be an insult to the television."
Angus Robertson, the SNP leader at Westminster, said he was forced to spend £1100 on a beautifully engineered high-definition television so that he could 'watch political programmes as the director intended'.
He said: "The cinematography on the Politics Show is simply breathtaking. It makes Lawrence of Arabia look like some piece-of-shit wedding video made by a four year-old dog."
Meanwhile Shahid Malik, the former home office minister, said the television culture had become so insidious that he was forced to record himself being interviewed, freeze frame his own face on a huge £2000 flat screen and then stare at it in the dark while sitting in a large, vibrating chair.
