MPs 'Should Be Banned From Thieving'
MEMBERS of Parliament should be banned from stealing money and fancy goods, according to a major new report.
Sir Christopher Kelly is expected to recommend sweeping reforms to the system that currently allows MPs to forge your signature on a cheque and wander through Debenhams with a large hessian sack, filling it with rings, watches and fine crystal tableware.
But sources say the reforms will be phased in over five years, meaning MPs will be allowed to steal quite a lot of things this year and next year, but by 2014 will only be allowed to steal small things like little bottles of shampoo, the odd bag of frozen prawns or a portable television set.
By 2015 a new system will have been introduced which will ban MPs from stealing anything thanks to far-reaching legislation which will set out a new range of words for it.
A House of Commons spokesman said: “The word ‘allowance’ is now synonymous with brazen thievery so we’re currently toying with ‘stipend’, ‘remittance’ and ‘apportionment’.
“And let’s not rule out ‘adjustment’ whereby an MP’s salary would be ‘adjusted’ in direct proportion to the amount they wish to steal over a 12 month period.”