Naive man thinks Tories care about things

A MAN takes Tory proposals that are obviously just public relations exercises completely at face value, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, invariably accepts the party’s claims they will improve the environment or help people, as if they are real policies the Tories give a toss about.

Bishop said: “It’s brilliant Michael Gove is doing something about air pollution. I expect it’s been a personal dream of his and he’s been consulting with environmentalists for years to make sure he gets it right.

“It’s like when Theresa May promised to improve mental health services. It’s obviously something she cares deeply about and not just a cynical attempt to make her look less like a cyborg.

“It’s a bit odd we haven’t heard more about that, but I suppose Theresa has been really busy with Brexit and her three-week holiday.

“The Tories are always saying how much they want to help ‘just about managing’ families, so I expect they’ve got loads of really useful, practical policies in the pipeline.”

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “It’s a bit tragic listening to Martin. He still thinks David Cameron fucked about in the Arctic because he cares passionately about global warming.”