New Teeth For All, Pledge Lib Dems

EVERY Scot will be fitted with a new set of state-of-the-art acrylic teeth within the lifetime of the next parliament, the Lib Dems pledged today.

China's TurboDent 2000

"It's a bold move," said party leader Nicol Stephen, "but we believe that teeth are a right not a privilege."

He added: "We must give our workers the teeth they need to compete with the new dental powerhouses of the 21st Century.

"Last year more than 400 million Indians and a billion Chinese were fitted with braces. It is only a matter of time before these teeth overwhelm us all."

Mr Stephen said the Teeth For All (Scotland) Bill would be introduced within 100 days of the Lib Dems completing a "loathsome, tawdry, self-serving coalition deal with a party more than twice our size".

THOSE LIB DEM COMMITMENTS IN FULL….

  • EDUCATION: Class sizes reduced to 14 square feet

  • HEALTH: 15,000 new nurses, 18,000 new chefs, 26,000 new pilots

  • ECONOMY: 100,000 apprentices to be imported from Bulgaria

  • YOUNG PEOPLE: All 15 and 16 year-olds will have the right to a cool bedroom in the attic

  • LAW & ORDER: Repeat offenders to receive hot stone therapy and a seaweed detox wrap

  • CLIMATE CHANGE: All Scottish electricity to be made from children's laughter by 2027