Politics Headlines

Queen's speech delayed over whether cats are witches' familiars

THE QUEEN'S speech will be delayed while Democratic Unionists and Tories debate whether cats help witches cast spells against Christians.

Increasingly disturbed May trying to forge alliance with squirrels

THERESA May has been spotted in a park trying to coerce a squirrel into joining a coalition.

DUP deal to focus on Brexit, pensions and dinosaurs being a hoax

THE Democratic Unionist Party is ready to do a deal based on a 'soft' Brexit, a guarantee on state pensions and the total rejection of evolution.

May wondering exactly when it was she lost her mind

THERESA May has been pondering exactly when she changed from a competent, ambitious politician into a deranged Brexit crusader.

Labour takes Kensington after high turnout among unemployed steelworkers

LABOUR has taken the west London seat of Kensington amid a high turnout by the constituency’s disgruntled former steelworkers.

My idiot sons could run this country better than you, Queen tells May

THE Queen has told Theresa May that her useless do-nothing sons would be better at running Britain.

May hoping for 'constructive relationship' with creationist homophobes who think Pope is Satan

THE Conservative Party has reassured Britain that the government being propped up by swivel-eyed, religious lunatics will be ‘totally fine’.  

Jubilant Corbyn celebrates defeat by an idiot

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has congratulated himself after being beaten by a political idiot.