Politics Headlines

Nation breathes sigh of relief as it is spared religious dictatorship under Tim Farron

BRITAIN has narrowly escaped becoming a Christian dictatorship under the iron hand of Tim Farron. 

Britons demand right to keep f**king up and not get sacked

WORKERS should have the same rights as politicians to completely bollocks things up and not lose their jobs, it has been claimed.

Theresa May: I say 'getting on with the job' and 'nobody wants another election' now

AS YOUR prime minister it is my duty to inform you that, following last week's election, I will be saying two new things.

DUP vows to end May's wild party lifestyle

THE Democratic Unionists plan to end Theresa May's hedonistic party lifestyle and turn her into a decent God-fearing Christian, they have announced.

Weasel really relates to Michael Gove

A WEASEL feels he can really identify with Michael Gove.

Inflation rises because Tories have f**ked up everything all at once

INFLATION is at almost three per cent because the Conservative government has fucked up the economy, public services and Brexit simultaneously. 

Don't look too human though, May told

THERESA May has been told to look slightly human but not too much.

Queen's speech delayed over whether cats are witches' familiars

THE QUEEN'S speech will be delayed while Democratic Unionists and Tories debate whether cats help witches cast spells against Christians.